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When You and Your Partner are Struggling, You Don’t Need a Better Conversation—You Need Better Moments

Most couples don't fall apart in one dramatic moment. They erode over time, through small missed opportunities, repeated misunderstandings, and a gradual shift from partnership to quiet opposition. A sharp comment here, a dismissive tone there, and eventually the...
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Don’t Drink the Poison: It’s Costing You More Than You Think

Most people don’t realize they’re drinking it. It looks harmless, even appealing. Interesting. Helpful at times. A quick scroll. A headline. A short video. A few seconds to “check in.” Some inner thirst feels momentarily quenched. And almost immediately, something...
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Why All This Talking and Processing Isn’t Helping Your Child

The Patterns of Attention That Quietly Reinforce Struggle Spend enough time around many households, or therapy offices, and you will hear a familiar and well-intentioned phrase: “Let’s talk about how you’re feeling. Or how do you feel about that?” At times, this is...
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The Cost of a Relentlessly Easier Childhood

When Good Intentions Create Painful Outcomes As a psychologist who has worked with families for decades, I am seeing a pattern that is difficult to ignore. We are raising children in a time of unprecedented comfort, safety, and opportunity—yet many are struggling...

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Puny or Powerful?

Puny or Powerful?

When we wake up in the morning, here’s what happens to most of us. Residual thought from the day before, whether it be more positive or negative, quickly comes to mind. With that and all the familiarity from yesterday’s events, the mind is quickly back on track to...

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Anger Begets More Anger.  Gratitude Begets More Gratitude.

Anger Begets More Anger. Gratitude Begets More Gratitude.

Our minds are like a telescopic lens, and the more we focus on something, the larger it becomes.  As a child, we begin with a starter telescope, and this makes it hard to get locked into one perspective.  As we age, we evolve to giant telescopes, with a great capacity to focus in on a single point of view.  As we zoom in on perception or a belief (and this creates an emotion), the mind then expands upon that over and over.  

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