When children are bickering, picking on each other, fighting, and arguing, parents often lose it. Research reveals that most parents think they should intervene in their children’s conflicts and arguments. They think they should be intervening earlier to resolve issues for their children. But most parents don’t intervene until the conflict escalates, then they yell and threaten. This doesn’t work well. You need a clear plan to nurture cooperative, healthy behavior among siblings.
Children Can Learn To Resolve Conflicts
Whether it’s at home, in the classroom, or on the playground or soccer field, children need to learn how to resolve differences with other children. If you fall into a pattern of consistently stopping the kids from arguing or fighting, you’ll only end up intervening more and more as they get older. Even if your children get very angry or one child is younger or smaller than the other, they still need to learn how to handle conflicts. They’ll need these skills to effectively handle interpersonal relations for the rest of their lives.
But if simply leaving siblings alone to resolve their differences is the right idea, why doesn’t it always work? Parents make four mistakes. If you learn from these mistakes and follow the guidelines below, your children’s conflicts will likely decrease dramatically over the next 30 to 60 days.
Why are some kids much worse than others? Well, there are likely many reasons out of your control. The reasons within your control are discussed below. However, keep in mind that your kids have been learning from how you have responded in the past, and it is likely they have been learning these lessons for years. Some of these lessons have to change if things are going to get better.
Four Key Mistakes And How To Correct Them
1. Not Showing Kids Their Options.
The first mistake parents make is that they don’t give children clear ideas of their options. Explain to your kids that they can (a) ignore the sibling; (b) walk away from an intolerable situation; (c) negotiate; (d) ask the sibling to stop; (e) seek parental help; or (f) fight with the sibling, which will probably result in time out. However: Running to Mom or Dad is not an option you want to encourage; in fact, you should tell your kids that you’ll start ignoring them if they repeatedly ask you to resolve their conflicts.
That’s right…you must be careful to not get pulled into every argument, or you will end up being a referee 10 TIMES A DAY! And, you’ll end up making things worse, rather than helping things.
How can I know that? It’s not because I know your home or your kids. It’s because there is a predictable and highly reliable outcome when you start solving your kids’ struggles for them. They become MORE and MORE DEPENDENT, rather than independent.
Dr Cale’s Special Report
Why Siblings Fight, Battle & Argue… Despite Your Best Efforts!
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Tired of living with this constant sibling fighting, consider ordering “The Sibling Solution”. This is a highly focused parenting program, which walks you through a specific program that will eliminate the wide majority of sibling battles; not all, but most will be gone in a matter of weeks. Not ready yet? Keep reading.
Another key message that parents don’t clearly communicate to children is “You can handle it.” Instead, we come to their rescue. It’s essential that you stop doing this, unless the children are engaging in dangerous behavior. If you make a habit of rescuing your children from each another, you’ll be doing it forever.
2. Not Noticing When Things Are Going Well.
The second mistake parents make is failing to notice when their children are playing cooperatively and happily. We tend to ignore the good times and focus our attention on conflicts. It’s essential to pay attention to your children while they are getting along. You don’t need to comment specifically on the cooperative play. Just give them a hug, a touch on the shoulder, or a smile. Ask a quick question or play with them for a minute. Any form of engagement will do. At first, do this 10 to 20 times a day, every day. You’ll be watering the seeds of new behavior that may take weeks to grow, so be patient.
3. Trying To Resolve Children’s Conflicts For Them.
The third big mistake parents make is trying to resolve their children’s conflicts. This communicates to the children that they can’t resolve their own conflicts and allows them to develop a devastating set of beliefs that will impair their relationships in many ways.Also, it doesn’t work. When parents try to resolve or stop arguments, they’re paying attention to behavior they want to eliminate. As the conflict intensifies, so does the response, until the parent is yelling or threatening. This strategy may get results in the short term, but as time goes on, you’ll find that you’re intervening more and more, while the bickering just gets worse.Teachers usually don’t try to resolve student conflicts, because they know they won’t be able to sort it out. The conflict may be very complicated and may go back to events that occurred hours or days ago. The adult is entering a world where there is no definitive truth. Teachers also understand that intervening creates overly dependent children.
Parents may be concerned that ignoring their children’s squabbling will teach them that fighting is okay. In fact, the opposite is true. When you ignore what you don’t want, it will wither away. Likewise, notice and attend to the behavior you do want, and it will grow.
So pay attention to the cooperative and calm times. Your child’s brain will learn that fighting gets nothing from you, while calm, cooperative behavior gets noticed. This is a powerful tactic. When you order The Sibling Solution you get a detailed plan which explains when and how to deliver these powerful moments of noticing the positive. It’s not the way most parent do it! And that’s why most families struggle with this problem.
Finally, one more key point that pulls all of this together for kids, but first… consider this:
4. Trying To Stop Conflicts With Words. Learn To Use Effective Consequences.
Words won’t teach your kids to stop fighting with each other, but consequences will. Ignore the little stuff and intervene in your children’s conflicts only when you’re prepared to follow through with a consequence. In other words, when you step in, you’re going to do something, not just say something.In The Sibling Solution you can learn more about how you do this.It is essential to be consistent; you know that already. However, there are certain rules that – when you follow them – your consequences ACTUALLY WORK! I explain how you intervene and when to do it so your kids learn where the limits are. That’s one of the secrets of terrific parenting!
Even in a focused program like The Sibling Solution you will be exposed to several key strategies behind the Terrific Parenting success. This program has been used with thousands of families. Here’s what a few have to say:
I can’t believe I live in the same home. My kids are calmer. My home is more peaceful. Thank you Dr. Cale.Amy from Delmar, NYYou said kids would be happier and get along better…and THEY DO! This plan really works.Single Mom /ManhattanIt’s the best information since sliced bread. It’s amazing!Kelly G. from Web
Order The Sibling Solution Now, and your home can be calmer… your kids can get along better…and you will enjoy your kids more. Every product comes with my personal guarantee of satisfaction. You listen. You put it to use, and YOU NOTICE IT WORKS! If it doesn’t, send it back and you will always get a full refund. That’s it. You won’t find that anywhere else on the web…with any other approach. They may not be able to do that, but I can because I know…this stuff really works.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
Disrespect & Anger: What’s Wrong & What You Do About It!
Some of the most peaceful, loving well-intentioned parents end up with children who appear to be extremely angry. Some of these children become violent, uncontrollable, and cannot be maintained in the home during their teenage years.
There are a variety of reasons that could cause such an escalation in anger. The purpose of this article is to dispel a critical myth, and to make certain that parents become aware of the patterns of their own behavior, which can increase and escalate anger.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
3 Common Mistakes That Will Make Child Whining Worse
If your family is a reasonably happy family with lots of opportunities to grow, loving members, and a good purchasing power, then there should not be much to complain for your child. Your child’s room is brimming with toys, you have enrolled your child in a good school, and you are ready to give your support to your child, yet he or she complains. What is the problem? The problem is that your kid has a distortion of reality. They are focused on just a small part of their experience in life. This focus on the small part where they don’t get what they want is really a toxic poison…
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
3 Parenting Mistakes That Make Picky Eating Disastrous & Impossible To Correct
Picky eating can become a serious clinical issue, and represents a threat to your child’s future. ..if unhealthy habits continue.
Getting a handle on the core parenting tactics that turn the picky eater into a healthy eater is priority one.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
Why Siblings Fight, Battle & Argue… Despite Your Best Efforts!
When children are bickering, picking on each other, fighting, and arguing, parents often lose it. Research reveals that most parents think they should intervene in their children’s conflicts and arguments.
They think they should be intervening earlier to resolve issues for their children. But most parents don’t intervene until the conflict escalates, then they yell and threaten.
Get This Valuable Free Report
** Please double check for accuracy. Your privacy is SAFE. We will NEVER sell/rent/give away your information.
Dr Cale’s Special Report
3 Toxic Mistakes That Will Threaten Your Children’s Future
Under very difficult circumstances, there are times when the other parent will not communicate with you. Under these circumstances, learn all that you can about co-parenting. Take all the steps that you possibly can to protect your children and implement these consistently and regularly. In other words, do everything that you can to effectively parent with that part of your children’s lives that you do have control over. Make certain that everything that you do in your home and in the kids’ lives is healthy and beneficial for your children. Again, educate yourself.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
3 Common Parenting Mistakes That Make Temper Tantrums Worse
Temper tantrums can range from the mild tantrum, where your child is stomping her feet and giving ugly looks … to the more moderate forms of outbursts where she flop’s on the floor, yells or whines loudly, and perhaps sits down in protest and throws a few toys.
And then there are the ballistic, severe out-of-control tantrums! Such extreme tantrums evolve for various reasons. Frequently, I see these extreme tantrums with certain strong-willed or more oppositional children.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
3 Common Parenting Mistakes That Make Toddler Tantrums Worse
We often think of temper tantrums as synonymous with toddlers, yet this is certainly not the case. While most toddles are prone to an occasional tantrum, it’s the toddler who tantrums three…four… even five times a day that starts to drive us crazy. Yet, most of the parents who come to me for help are dealing with something even more challenging. The out-of-control, scream at the top of your lungs, stomp your feet, fall on the floor and throw your toys as hard as you can tantrum. The REAL melt-down tantrum…pull out your hair because you just can’t take another second of screaming.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
7 Mistakes You Can’t Afford To Make… If Your Child Is Overweight!
You want your child to be healthy, to be happy, and you want your child to fit in…
But you just aren’t sure how you can help your child lose the unwanted weight and feel good about themselves. You just aren’t sure how you can encourage them to get healthy and develop good eating habits.
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Dr Cale’s Special Report
The Self-Esteem Book: 12 Secrets To Building Emotionally Strong & Resilient Children
If you’d like to avoid the common mistakes that harm your kids, learn powerful character building secrets and experience the joy of seeing your child thrive, then this might be the most important letter you’ll ever read.
Here’s why: Most parenting advice fails to touch the surface of what really works. My newsletters are chock full of practical, proven guidance that everyone can put to use! It’s real… and it works!
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