When Mom and Dad differ in their parenting styles, it spells trouble for the child. We often see these differences show up in the form of childhood habits that fall between the cracks. Overweight children, poor eating habits, and overindulged desires are only a portion of the problems created when mom and dad disagree.
We are not talking about minor differences between parents. They’re bound to happen as no two people are the same. However, problems arise when they disagree on the styles of parenting and failed to keep a common ground.
What is Needed For Good Parenting?
It is crucial that both mom and dad include limits, routines and exposure to experiences in such a way that it encourages healthy behavior as well as choices. The two most important mentors of this world – mom and dad, must show their child that they are capable and reliable.
Your Child Must Believe in You.
Here, he or she should know that when mom and dad say something, they
mean it. When mom and dad put a limit, that is the limit. If your limit keeps changing everyday and you & your partner differ in them, it’s get tough for your child to grasp your message.
Let say that you set bedtime as 9:00 pm but your partner does not mind if its 10:00 pm. Then your credibility as parents is lost. Moreover, this happens not just for bedtime but also for other areas of your kid’s life. Your child’s brain thinks that mom and dad do not say the same thing. And it’s easy to influence one against the other. Thus, you set a bad example for your child.
Dealing with Differences.
One may be rigid in rules while the other may be flexible. One may believe in routine and consistency while the other may believe in spontaneity and independence. One may seek adventure and encourage their child to take risks while the other may seek comfort and teach their child to prioritize safety.
These are only a few examples of discrepancies in the way of parenting between two partners. You will find lots more in households. We can’t do anything about differences. But we can certainly strive to create a balance between the opposing values. There are two ways by which you can convert your differences into a harmonize effort to raise your child. So that here he or she can learn from values of both you and your partner.
Pledge to Resolve Your Differences.
You should know that the healthy development of children is mainly dependent on a uniform message from both the parents. Different messages from mom and dad confused the child and fail to inculcate true
values in him or her.
Identify what is important to you. Sort out your preferences as well as your differences in matters of parenting. It’s not fair to blame a child for his or her aggressive behavior or rude language, when you, as a parent, allow your child to watch violent movies.
A child who is 50 pounds overweight cannot be accused of gorging on potato chips and pizzas everyday, when his or her parents keep the fridge full of such foods. An individual with confused values is the consequence of a conflicting parenting style.
So, if you do not want your child to grow up with weak values, start thinking about your differences now!