TerrificParenting.com

[Dr Randy Cale]

Summer routines...or a lack of routine...is often the cause of what appears to be chaos and a constant need to remind, nag, intervene, yell and ... get crazed!

What's the answer?

It's not micromanagement!
It's not giving kids choice at every turn.
It's not letting them decide.
It's not creating more and more ease for them.
It's not teaching them to chose comfort over growth.

It is about learning to use a daily structure make sure that the regular "stuff" you want done...gets' done without a big fight, or struggle, or even your constant riding them.

There is an easier way! The secret is in how you use this simple concept of, "work, then play." For those of you who are using this tool, I would love to hear your thoughts on how you have applied this to build responsibility, and at the same time...nurture a peaceful summer.
_________________
Randy L. Cale, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
800.743.2134

[alimo711]

I have trouble setting up routines in my own life, let alone my kids! Where do you start when trying to set up a routing?

[Dr Randy Cale]

Great question. Honest question. Tough question!!!

Here's where I would start. What is the greatest leverage that you have over your own behavior?

For most of it, we need to get out of the word battles in our head, and start to focus on an accountability system.

Keep this quote in mind: Accountability Beats Discipline EVERYTIME!

Most of us try to work on our self-discipline. But that's not where it's at. The most return (for our investment of energy) comes from focusing on a system that holds us accountable to our commitments.

So...start with 3 commitments. Today. Not tomorrow. If you are serious about this at all...you will discover in this moment. HOW? By making certain you don't leave this comment without taking action.

NO more words, or words in your head. Action. Get a pen and paper. Three commitments. Of the 3 commitments, make sure 2 are very manageable...and 1 stretches you a bit.

And...then finally...make sure that you set up the commitments so that it works just like the Habits of Success that I speak of for your kids.

PS: Have you read my article on the 1% solution? If not, please read it...I think it will help with perspective setting. Go here: http://www.terrificparenting.com/parenting-problems/nurturing-one-percent-solution.htm

Let me know if that helps...take care.
_________________
Randy L. Cale, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
800.743.2134

[tora-lynn]

I just posted a topic on Divorce/Separation that relates indirectly to this topic and more fully explains our situation. My husband and I have, for the past three years, used Dr. Cale's summer routines idea, along with almost all of Dr. Cale's suggestions. Our beliefs about child rearing are fully in line with Dr. Cale's. This has worked beautifully for my 14 y/o stepson (along with many more techniques suggested by Dr. Cale and others like him). He has a short, one hour educational type activity right after breakfast, shower and room straightening each day. This year we picked a topic he liked, Pirates, and had him start preparing for a major, lenghthy research report on the topic, but he knew there would be no report. His writing skills are excellent, but his research/note taking and outlining skills need work, so that was his summer assignment. He was to spend approximately one hour after breakfast, shower and straightening his room each weekday morning. After that he was free to play. Unfortunately, in a recent custody case, this was deemed to be making the child unhappy and, along with other structure, routines, and attention to school grades, was frowned upon by the Court. Just a warning that there are what I call left wing liberals out there, even amongst judges and law guardians, who condemn people who use this type of structure with their children. Even so, my husband and I still wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Cale's approach, so I certainly do not mean to criticize, just forewarn people who may be in similar circumstances.