Parenting Problems

Optimism and Happiness

The Sibling Solution

Put An End To The Constant Battles Between Siblings That Drain Your Energy, Rob You Of Peace, And Destroy The Happiness In Your Home


I Have Helped Thousands Of Parents Overcome This Common Struggle With A Simple, Easy To Use, Un-Common Approach. Within 30 Days, Your Life Will Be Calmer, Happier, Quieter And Your Kids Will Be More At Peace.

Are you exhausted from endless sibling fighting, over the smallest of issues, and worried sick about how they will get along in the future? But that’s just the beginning… right? There’s more:

  • Are you constantly being put in the position of referee in your children’s nonstop bickering and disagreements?
  • Are you frustrated by never-ending daily complaints such as “Mom, he took my game without asking” or “Dad, she’s sitting where I was going to sit”?
  • Do you sometimes worry that the sibling fighting will never go away, and that they will grow up to hate each other?
  • Do they just plain get too physical, and violent with each other?
  • Do you find yourself constantly having to tell them to “Knock it off!” or “Just get along” or “Work it out” only to find that that it does no good in the long run?

dr_cale_parents_pschologistHi there mom. dad. Look, this job of parenting is really tough. Most of my patients agree with me that the job is much harder than we think it will be. Of course, it’s great when the kids are really easy, and get along well.

But when you find yourself alone with a pair of siblings engaged in constant (or almost constant) rivalry, you can be take to the edge of your sanity. Not only is it emotionally and physically demanding to keep trying to calm the rivalry, but the worries about their futures leave you awake at night (e.g., “Will they be friends? What if they hate each other? How will they treat each other’s children? Will they come to family gatherings without anger and hurt?).

The sibling fighting goes to new levels as they get older. It’s as if everything is a competition to win, to be the best, to have “exclusive use” of anything in the room… and the list goes on.

Then, it escalates. If it’s not hitting, it’s bickering. If it’s not bickering it’s complaining. If it’s not complaining, it’s wanting you to FIX IT MOM!

Sibling Fighting Will Simply Drive You Crazy

And all of this sibling craziness is wearing you out and destroying the peace in your home. You’re probably sick and tired of all of it to the point of frustration and exhaustion.

How do I know? As a parenting specialist who has also spent more than 23 years working with children whose extreme sibling fighting has been a huge source of pain to their parents, I’ve seen it all. From the mild to the most extreme, with violence and constant reactive drama!

But do you have a real problem? Let’s just check it out real fast:

Take The Sibling Fighting Test

Do Your Kids Constantly Drive You Crazy With Any Of These 5 Energy Crushing or Joy Robbing Patterns?

  • Your children rarely seem to get along when playing together, and sibling fighting makes everything a competition or “one up” experience.
  • Siblings seem incapable of solving their own struggles, and seek you out to fix even the slightest conflict. (And your efforts to resolve the problem never makes them happy).
  • When sibling fighting is out-of-control, siblings seldom bother even trying to work out solutions, but usually just start fighting and bickering.
  • Siblings fight, yell or hit almost regardless of location at home, at the doctors office, in line at the store, and in the car.
  • They get into it, and you try to help them out. Again, a few minutes later, you repeat yourself. Repeat. Repeat. Then, you yell. They stop. 5 Minutes later they are at it again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. (You just want to put your head in the toilet by now.)

sibling-giving-sour-faces-to-each-otherIf you answered “yes” to even one of the 5 situations above, you have a problem with sibling fighting that needs help! The good news is that MILD daily conflict between siblings is completely normal and doesn’t, in any way, mean that you’re a bad parent. The bad news is that if your children can’t learn to properly handle that conflict, they’re going to have trouble getting along with each other, as well as other people throughout their lives (and that will affect their future success in life).

Just think about it: No matter what we do in life, we need to have the skills to understand how to work out our differences with other people in order to succeed. Children need to learn these skills from an early age!

Will Sibling Fighting Fade Away?

“No! Not if you ignore it, and do nothing to make it better.”

sibling-quarrelling-over-stuffed-toyIt’s tempting to think “They’ll grow out of it” or “learning to get along with others is a process that takes many years.” But, if the battles are so constant and energy draining on you and your kids just can’t seem to hardly ever get along, you don’t have the regular sort of sibling fighting that will just fade away.

After working for over 20 years parents and children, it’s been my experience that parents who seek answers for sibling fighting and fighting have extreme cases of sibling problems and likely… NEED HELP.

Through my decades of work as a child psychologist, I’ve created practical, life changing solutions that actually teach children to end their sibling fighting and sibling bickering.

The proven tools in my Sibling Solution Program will help you end the constant sibling fighting!

You can’t perform miracles overnight or eliminate every fight between siblings, but you can greatly reduce the amount of rivalry, bickering and fighting between your children. More importantly, you can also teach your children to work out these disputes on their own.

The Truth That’s Shocking To Many Parents Is That When We Constantly Solve Or Try To Prevent Sibling Fighting, We Most Often Are Making Things MUCH Worse!

Parents mean well when they try to handle disagreements between their children. If one child complains to us that his or her sibling took a toy, we may think that discussing the matter and getting to the bottom of what happened is the right thing to do to resolve the issue.

sibling-arguingHowever, by investing our energy in the situation, we become totally exhausted listening to each child involved and trying to be “fair” in trying to figure out who really did what action and what the outcome should be. Our children just stand their waiting for us to decide and chances are at least one will not be at all happy with what we’ve decided anyway.

In repeating situations of bad behavior such as children fighting while sitting in the backseat of the car, we often find ourselves repeatedly saying things like “Stop it right now” or “That’s enough.” But we’re still giving our energy to bad behavior and that only makes the problem worse.

Why The Sibling Solution Program Will Work For You And Eliminate Sibling Rivalry, Bickering And Fighting Today!

  • The Sibling Solution Program is a proven method for teaching siblings to get along. The easy to follow approach stops the sibling rivalry, the sibling fighting and the bickering so you get a calmer, more peaceful home. And, you can enjoy the children again! What a treat!
  • The Sibling Solution Program is a concise step-by-step plan that you can start as soon as you receive it. The concepts are easy to grasp and clearly explained. I take you by the hand, and make it brain-dead simple to follow. The solutions require you to be consistent and stay the course, but they really work if you remain consistent in your response to your children’s behavior.
  • The Sibling Solution Program makes your children happier, and more satisfied with their lives, and with their siblings. Gratitude. is even within site! Could you imagine?
  • In addition, as part of what they learn, siblings will gain valuable coping and cooperation skills.

happy-caring-siblingsAfter all, they’ll be dealing with all sorts of people and situations as they go through school and into their careers, and Mom and Dad won’t be there to solve all their problems for them. You can give them all of the tools they’ll need for future social success with the solutions and techniques you work together on in the Sibling Solution Program.

Imagine a home where the kids actually do get along. Imagine how you could spend an hour on the phone uninterrupted. Imagine the children asking to play together more and more often. Imagine getting ready to bed. with NOT ONE MEMORY of a sibling squabble or battle. It’s not just possible. but it’s real and right in front of you.

The Sibling Solution Is A Step-By-Step Program, Where You Learn To Teach Your Children How To Respect Each Other And Solve Their Own Problems. It Doesn’t Happen In A Week, But It Does Happen Quickly!

7 Amazing Things You’ll Learn In The SIBLING SOLUTION PROGRAM

So You Can Get Rid Of The Endless Sibling Fighting Between Your Kids!

  1. You’ll learn exactly how to give your children opportunities to build cooperation with their brother or sister.
  2. You’ll learn exactly how to set clear, consistent and appropriate consequences for any ages of children from toddlers to teens.
  3. You’ll learn exactly how to give your energy to good behaviors rather than to the moments of sibling rivalry and fighting.
  4. You’ll learn exactly how to create a consistent parenting rule that your children will follow – they’ll know exactly where you’ve drawn the line and exactly what to expect if they cross it.
  5. You’ll learn exactly what to say to your kids to let them know about the changes you’ll be making, and prepare them in a manner that makes this transition a bit easier.
  6. You’ll learn exactly why, as a parent, you need to model cooperative behavior if you expect it from your children.
  7. You’ll learn the five main reasons that siblings fight with one another and exactly how to structure the the environment to discourage fighting and encourage cooperation without controlling your children.

Want To Know That This Works?
How About Some Proof?

My parents find that, as a result of consistently following the step-by-step plan in The Sibling Solution, their home life is much more relaxing and their kids are taking responsibility for their school work and relationships.

“They Solve Their Own Conflicts Without Me.”

“Like you, I used to believe that sibling squabbles and battles were just part of being a parent. Then, after losing my cool over and over with the kids, I decided I had to do something. I had read about Dr Cale, and his straight-talk, no beat-around-the-bush methods of getting results.”

“To make a long story short, I put ‘The Sibling Solution’ to work in our home with 2 boys and my little girl. Within weeks, it was like living in a different home. My friends actually enjoy coming over now! We all get along better…not perfect…but life is 1000% improved. The boys share, play together most of the time, and perhaps the best thing of all—THEY SOLVE THEIR OWN CONFLICTS WITHOUT ME STEPPING IN TO REFEREE! I have my life, and my sanity back! Every mom deserves The Sibling Solution.”

– MaryBeth Drislaine, Mother of 3 boys

“My Home Has Become A Wonderful Place To Be.”

loving-siblings“Communication has increased between family members. The children have begun to take some personal accountability for their homework, chores and each other. My home has become a wonderful place to be at the end of a hard day at work.”

– Heather, Single mom from Florida

My parents comment that refusing to reward bad behaviors with personal energy and only rewarding good behaviors with it instead really makes a difference in helping their children learn to be better behaved.

“Two Daughters Who Are Much More Enjoyable.”

happy-siblings“Dr. Cale helped us understand how we were reinforcing the exact behaviors from our kids that we did not want. We now have 2 daughters who are much more enjoyable, thanks to Dr. Cale.”

– Marc and Vicki, Parents of 2 from Denver, Colorado

If parents stay the course and consistently stick to The Sibling Solution program, they often find they’re living calmer and more fulfilled lives.

“Our Lives Are Calmer, Our Home Is Quieter, And Our Kids Are Happier.”

The Sibling Solution was just that. for us it was a solution for the chaos between our 4 boys. Our lives are calmer, our home is quieter, and our kids are happier. What more could we want!

– Paula, Mother of 4 from Houston, Texas

Here’s What’s Included in the Sibling Solution Step-by-Step Package


In the Sibling Solution Package, you get a downloadble Sibling Solution Step-by-Step Guide ebook which you can read right away. You also get my Sibling Solution mp3 audio program, which you can listen to immediately. In addtion, as my gift to you, I have included my A-Z Collection of Parenting Articles — yours free with this package. Last but not the least, my Kids Getting Along In The Car pdf is also included in the package.

Let me break the package down for you:


sibling-solution-ebook-coverThe Sibling Solution Step-by-Step Guide (Value $47)

In The Sibling Solution, I explain the magical secret to how sibling figting can be stopped cold, when you change your approach. Rather than constant sibling fighting, competition and battles, your children learn from your stealth-like parenting secret (which you will only share with them after they have their own children!) — and become closer and closer with each passing week.

Almost as magical, your children also learn to listen to you because you learn to require it (not with ugly words or threats… but with effective action). You don’t force it… you allow them to learn! Once again… the step-by-step silbling formula will give you tools that you won’t find anywhere else. Tools that are practical, powerful and get results FAST.

I also give you the hidden mistake that guarantees that the sibling fighting WILL GET WORSE—IF YOU CORRECT THIS MISTAKE! On the other hand, if you master this key ingredient… they will learn to change by following your lead. If you fail to master it… they will fail to master their impulsive reactions to each other, and the rivalry will get worse.

Don’t you want a step by step PROVEN SYSTEM that will get rid of that sibling rivalry, the battles, the complaints and the endless efforts to fix their struggles? If YES is the answer, then you must get this program!


The Sibling Solution Audio Download MP3
(Value $47)

sibling_mp3You also get instant access to my mp3 audio recording of this information. This information is an audio version of this material, and gives you the option of learning by listening. You aren’t tied to your computer or to your printer. You can download the MP3 into your Ipod or your MP3 player, and learn while on the go. (NOTE: You don’t want your children to be listening to this however!).

One of my customers recently wrote me an email, explaining how valuable the audio materials were for her, because she could keep listening over and over…so that she could practice every detail in her head. And for her, the MP3 made all the difference. You get this $47 download absolutely free with this package!

Remember, this audio program gives you an alternative way to learn these vital lessons. You can download to your Ipod, your computer, or burn the mp3 to a CD and play it in your car. This $47 program is included FREE as a bonus with this new package.


The A-Z Collection of Parenting Tips
(Sells for $29.95, but yours FREE)

parenting-tips-coverI am also providing you an amazing FREE Bonus with my A-Z Parenting Collection of Parenting Tips. This is a manual of published articles that I have selected from hundreds of articles I have written over the years. The goal is to give you as much information as possible to help you get through every future obstacle you may encounter. Many of these articles form the foundation for my other products.

These articles touch upon everything from daily routines, to homework struggles, to responsibilities, to respect and disrespect, and sibling choices. While not a comprehensive guide book with all these topics, each article does give you a clear sense of the mistakes that you can make, and how to correct them.

This guide (a $39.95 value) is included as a FREE bonus that you get to keep, even if you decide this program isn’t right for you.


Kids Getting Along In The Car (Value $47)

KidsGettingAlongIntheCar3D2Guess what the number one complaint I hear today is about: It’s about travelling back and forth to soccer games, to school or to the doctor’s office—while listening to siblings go at it in the car. While video games, and in the car DVD players have greatly eased travelling with the kids, there are many times when the sibling fighting and battles continue to dangerous and CRAZY LOUD LEVELS when you are in the car. GUESS WHAT: I have created a special Ebook just for this purpose. You can teach siblings to travel peacefully within a few short days…. and NEVER have to listen to the sibling battles again while travelling in the car. This program has worked 100% of the time, and puts you back in control of the sanity in your car!

This program alone is worth the value of this package IF you have silbings who battle and argue and fight in the car. Who wouldn’t want to have peace everyday when you travel around town with the kids? It’s another tested solution that works flawlessly!

This $47 program is also included FREE with your investment in the The Sibling Solution today!

“Wow… That’s A Lot Of Valuable Information.
(Not Only A $47.00 Sibling Solution, But $170.95 In Bonuses.)

You Pay Only $47.00 For The Whole Package.
On Special Today $37

I give so much in this package because I want you to not only get life changing information, but I want you as a life-time customer. You will have many questions that I can help you with, and once you see the value of these products, I feel certain that it is worth the risk. I want you to be happy, and I want you to keep reaching out for me when you have a need (I will show you how to do that).

7 Ways My Tested and Proven Sibling Solution Formula Will End Silbling Rivalry

  • You’ll discover exactly what to do and when to take action with sibling fighting. No psychobabble to confuse you!
  • You will master a clear, simple plan that works for all ages and child personalities. No exceptions!
  • You will know precisely what to say in the most challenging of sibling situations to make sure that the learning occurs quickly.
  • You will understand what you need to do in every situation to stop battles, complaints and rivalry — whether at home or in public.
  • Almost magical secrets will be revealed which teach your children healthy ways to get along, and accept each other with ease.
  • You discover how to respond so that your energy and attention isn’t wasted.
  • The ultimate secret parenting weapon is exposed when you discover how to stop working so darn hard to solve things for them, and instantly see them work harder to get alone!.

Would You Like To Almost Magically Bring Sibling Fighting To An End, And See Your Kids Get Along Like Best Friends?

Look, give me 45 minutes, and I will give you the gift of Siblings Without Rivalry. Who wouldn’t want that, if you are exhausted, worried and fed up with sibling fighting and battles?

happy-cheerful-siblingsI mean…let’s be real about this. Most parents like you just struggle through this… screaming, yelling, negotiating and refereeing all day and all night long. Aren’t you exhausted enough? Aren’t you really ready for an answer?

Don’t you really want the kids to just get along, and stop making a competition or battle over every little thing? I can’t imagine walking away from the secret formula that will bring of peace of mind…and peace in your home.

Just a reminder: The Sibling Solution parenting system that gives you a clear, straight forward game plan that “maps out” exactly what you need to do and how to do it. No more theory and untested approaches. You get the formula that works time and time again. This plan is different, and the magicical parenting secrets that teach your children how to get along are worth their weight in gold!

The Sibling Solution Will Transform Your Home… Guaranteed!

Yes… the Sibling Solution will transform your home. I promise it, and stand behind your investment.

Look, I want to be very clear about this. The system revealed in this program works. It’s been tested and proven to teach kids how to get along— over and over again. The Sibling Solution brings you that well-deserved relief that you have been looking for. I know it will work, but look… sometimes you aren’t ready or maybe there’s some weird quirk I have never seen before. So… if by some weird chance circumstance it doesn’t work for you, you got nothing to worry about. I guarantee your 100% satisfaction! It either works for you and your children — like it has for hundreds of families —- or you let me know it didn’t work for you, and get your money back.

happy-siblings-spending-quality-timeLast week, one of my private therapy clients came in for her closing session. She had struggled with her 6 and 8 year old boys who were constantly competitive and fighting. After 6 weeks, all was calm and she remarked, “Dr Cale, I didn’t really believe it could be this calm…even in my wildest dreams. Everyone deserves a home that runs this smoothe, and children who enjoy playing with each other! This is worth 10 times what this cost us.”

And guess what? She is a private therapy client who saw me for 6 sessions. My rate is $150.00 per session, and she paid $900 to learn this same formula (with the added inconvenience of driving to my office and spending hours and hours learning it a piece at a time). You don’t need to spend that much money or that much time!

Why not take advantage of this offer while it lasts? My last offer was not successful, and the package was taken down because the costs were too expensive. I hope that this offer is successful, and will be here for years… but I can’t guarantee it… especially at this price (discounted below).

As you can sense, this is a terrific bundle of material. Only when looking back from the future will you really be able to appeciate all that is included here.

  • So, are you ready to enjoy your children again… perhaps in ways you have never experience?
  • Are you ready to start wanting to spend time with them?
  • Are you ready to consider leaving them alone for short periods of time, without having to worry about jumping in?
  • And… are you really ready to find peace knowing your children are friends again?

The Sibling Solutions
Today for $37


This is an instant download package
All Major Credit Cards, Paypal and Online Checks Are Accepted.

If you aren’t ready now to order, what’s stopping you?

Truth is, the only thing stopping you is probably your own doubt.

Okay… go ahead. Admit it. You’re asking yourself things like…

  • Will Dr Cale’s system really work?
  • Is this for real?
  • Will The Sibling Solution formula really end the horrible sibling fighting in my home?
  • Should I trust this guy about what he’s telling me?

All darn good questions, of course. I get it.

But it’s that very voice of doubt that is keeping you from moving forward. From having peace in your home…

I know it’s tough to swallow, but doubt is the reason most people don’t take action, and consequently why most people stay stuck. Stuck in the sibling fighting. Stuck in the sibling fighting. Stuck in misery….

Well, let me ease your concerns…

Your Satisfaction Is Totally Guaranteed
Or Your Money Back

Because you are getting the fruits of my research and studies for 23 years, and a complete set of bonus products FREE, you can imagine how fair this deal is.

Your 100% Iron-Clad Money-Back Guarantee: If you’re not happy any time within 8 weeks from your purchase, let me know and you can have your money refunded – all of it – no questions asked.


Obviously, that guarantee is beyond fair. You agree… don’t you!

So let’s get to the real question:

Are you ready to take action, or are you still letting doubt stop you?

As you’ll hear in the training materials, doubt is often self-sabotage at work. It keeps you stuck… and your kids stay stuck with you!

Are you going to control it, or let it control you?

The choice is yours.

[url=] [img] [/img][/url] [b][url=]Click HERE to see my other HAPPY CHILDREN images[/url][/b]

After all, if you can stop sibling fighting, end sibling squabbles and battles and bring peace to your home for only $47… and this is backed with a complete iron-clad guarantee, Why in the world not do it right now?

But remember I have made this easy for you…

Invest today and you can have the entire system – and all of the bonuses – for only $37.

That’s right.

Only $37.

But your must order right now: Invest Today!

Remember, this is part of a new market test, and I can come back and change this website and this special low price for this guaranteed system any day, in only minutes.

Why take a chance?

Besides, the sooner you learn this system, the sooner your children can enjoy each other, get along like friends and you can breathe easy with more peace in your home. Why wait any longer?

Are you ready?



Dr. Cale, I’m Ready To End Sibling Battles In My Home!

  • I understand that if I use your professional, time proven step-by-step action plan, I will have a strategy to end sibling battles once and for all…
  • I understand that for only $37 I will be able to download immediately your life changing action plan that will teach me to get rid of sibling battles in my home, and…
  • I also understand I am backed by 365-day, 100% NO RISK GUARANTEE.

I also understand this package includes:

INSTANT DOWNLOAD The Sibling Solution Step-by-Step Guide
($47 value)
INSTANT DOWNLOAD The Sibling Solution Audio Download MP3
($47.00 value)
INSTANT DOWNLOAD The A-Z Collection of Parenting Tips
($29.95 value)
INSTANT DOWNLOAD Kids Getting Along In The Car
($47.00 value)

‘The Sibling Solution’ Step-by-Step Guide
and Free Bonuses for $170.95


Just click here to order now using our secure server



Your Family Life Can Be More Pleasant Too – Just Like The Hundreds Of Satisfied Parents Who Tried The Sibling Solution Program!

You really can end your frustration and stop stressing out over your children’s constant battling. You just need to do something that works.


Go for it. Your kids will thank you someday!



Randy L. Cale, PhD
Licensed Psychologist

P.S. Your children’s non-stop fighting, hitting, tattling and arguing can be stopped with this program! That’s why I offer a 365 day “No Questions Asked” Money Back Guarantee so you can try this proven program risk-free.

P.P.S. One month from now… you could still be screaming at the kids and surfing parenting forums for some magic solution that you get for free. If that’s what you want… go for it.

But if you value your time, and you value your sanity… then why wait? The answer to a more peaceful home is right in front of you.

P.P.P.S. What are you waiting for? Relieve the sibling chaos in your home by ordering the completely risk-free, proven Sibling Solution Guide TODAY. Your children deserve the right to get along, to have happy, positive memories of their siblings. And you deserve more peace and calm in your heart for all the hard work you do.

That Peace You Seek… Is Only A Click Away.

Remember. I take all the risk. Click on the link below. Put in your credit card information, and within an hour… you have proven game plan that works. (And if you aren’t happy… you just let me know… and you get your money back. It’s that simple. You can BE CERTAIN of this.)

The Sibling Solutions
Today for $37


This is an instant download package
All Major Credit Cards, Paypal and Online Checks Are Accepted.

Building Child Confidence & Self-Esteem

Parenting is a difficult job. And as you often hear, capsule the job seems to be getting more difficult by the day.  Challenges with technology, store media influences, doctor peer relations and academic pressures…it all adds up!

In the midst of all this, many of us worry about our child’s self-esteem.  We may be particularly worried, if we are aware of our lack of confidence.  If you have low-self-esteem it is easy to pass it on to your children.  (There are also ways to avoid this, so make sure you read the entire article to get some direction!)  Many parents with low self esteem do not realize they are modeling low self-esteem behavior to their children every day, and thus passing it on to their children.  Here’s how this works:Mother Daughter Loving Moment

When you have low self esteem, you tend to not realize when you are putting yourself down.  Your internal thoughts may not be expressed to your child, yet, if you believe you are ‘dumb’ ‘not smart’ ‘fat’ ‘ugly’ ‘bad with people’ or ‘not worthy’ … such thoughts show up in your behavior.  It shows up in the way you dress, the way you talk about your neighbors, and in what you discuss at the dinner table or in the car.  When we lack confidence, we often fail to initiate conversation or take on a new project.  We don’t ask for a raise, or apply for a better position.  Over and over…our internal lack of confidence…is demonstrated to our children.

Unfortunately, we almost can’t help it.  Children pick up cues from their parents and in turn begin to speak about themselves the same way. This is also true for the way they carry themselves, represent themselves to others, and view themselves.

It is not easy to rebuild your esteem, but if you are focused and determined it can be done! Positivity and confidence are important for your children but just as important you!  Please don’t ignore this point, because when you first focus on taking care of your poor self-image, or lack of confidence, supporting your child’s self-esteem becomes easier.

In the following tips to build a more confident child, you can side-step some of your own issues, to start effectively building your child’s confidence.

Three Simple Guidelines To A More Confident ChildConfident girl on school bus

1. Have Unshakable Faith In Your Child’s Ability To Get Through Life.

The single most important belief for you to hold is this:  “Sweetheart, I know you can handle it.  It may hurt right not…but you will get through this!”

This approach does not require you to believe they will handle it perfectly, or without some drama or pain.  Many times, there will be a struggle.

But imagine, if you are able to convince your child to have a deeply held belief in themselves that affirm, “I know I can handle this.  I will get through it.”

This is power.  This is power that will help them through many tough times, even when you can’t be there.

Whether children are from an intact family with happily married parents or a divorced family, are healthy or in some way disabled, are exceptionally gifted or just normal, there’s no reason to teach them that their lives are in any way “less than” what they should be.

If you label their lives as sad or unfortunate, they’ll believe you.  If you believe their life is lacking, they will coConfident Boyme to believe their life is lacking.  If you wish they were smarter, they will wish they were smarter.

Again, your children will grow to believe what you believe about them (mostly).

Why not empower them with a belief that will serve them for years to come!

If you don’t have faith in them, where will they get it?

NOTE:  this is not meant to tell them they are the best at everything, and can do no wrong.  We see many ‘delusional’ teens these days, who believe they are the “BEST” at signing, or playing baseball, or the smartest kid in school.  Yet, this belief has nothing to do with reality.  Their parents just kept feeding them stories, which had nothing to do with truth.

This is, of course, remarkably damaging to children.

So one more time, have faith in them.  Tell them they CAN DO IT.  But don’t tell them, that they can do it better than anyone else.  This will likely not be true.

This distinction is important, and is critical to the power behind my Confident Child Program.

Once you realize that your lack of faith in them is their biggest enemy, and then you realize it’s essential that you find this faith…so you pass it on to them.  How?  You…

2. Explain & Then Demonstrate:  “You Can Handle Your Emotions and Feelings.”

Let’s talk reality:  Life can be frustrating.  Life can be challenging.  Life can be hurtful and let us down.

It can also be the opposite.  Life can be awesome, inspiring, hopeful and filled with joy.happy siblings

The difference is that we must prepare our children for the disappointing, hurtful and challenging moments… so they do not linger.

You see more and more children…lingering in their drama…their negativity… their struggles.

This destroys self-esteem and confidence.  Absolutely DESTROYS it.

So, it’s essential to teach children about handling their emotions, if we want them to develop a resilient and strong sense of themselves.

Here’s how we begin:  When all is calm (not during a drama moment), talk to your children about the things that upset them. Go over the history, and how they have handled things in the past.

Next, offer some solutions, with an eye toward helping them to solve the problems.

Notice, for many children, they are not interested in the solutions.  They simply want to complain about their brother or sister, or their teacher or about their homework.  They really don’t want a solution…they want to complain or focus on the negative.

This is where the conversation changes.  Let them know, that these emotions are to be expected in life.  And, that mom and dad have not been able to change this…and will never be able to change this.

Why?  Because it’s part of life.

“So…from now on… Mom and Dad are going to do this when you have these upsets, and focus on the negative.  We know that YOU CAN HANDLE YOUR EMOTIONS.  We will not try to fix it.  We will not try to solve it, or take the emotions and make it better.

“If you want to focus on the negative, go ahead.  Do so.  We can’t stop you.

“But you will feel better as soon as you let go of thinking about the negative, and focus on the good stuff you have here in your life.

“Sweetheart, we know you can handle these moments.  You will get through them…it’s just that we can’t do it for you.  You have to learn that YOU CAN HANDLE IT.”

If questions arise, explain that you’re not going to run to their rescue anymore or try to calm them when they’re upset. Tell them that the feelings they have may be painful, but they’ll go away. Let them know that you have confidence in their ability to cope.

Psychologist Tip:  The secret here is that the muscle of confidence can only be worked by your child.  You cannot lift the weights for them.  They have to lift the weights…if the muscle it to get stronger.

And most importantly, you decide to…

3. Don’t Repeatedly Rescue Your Child From Their Emotions

When you do, you undermine their confidence.  They grow to believe that it’s your job…to solve the problem.

How can a child develop any sense of self-confidence, if we keep stripping away their chances to learn how strong and capable they really are?Confident Teen

When your children become upset and it’s part of their pattern to move toward drama, upset and tears— allow them to whine, complain, cry, have a tantrum.   Please don’t get angry, upset, or tearful, and don’t get into a conversation about the upset. Just be patient and let them handle it. As soon as they show signs of calming down, engage them in normal conversation about other events or activities. Don’t talk about whatever it was that upset them. If they start to get upset again, disengage.

Remember:  what you consistently give your attention to…it must grow.

If you consistently give your attention to patterns of whining, complaining, and “sensitivity”…you will find that you nurture a child who seems to choose these unhealthy patterns over and over.

Why?  Because you…as the most important teacher…keep investing in those patterns.

Thus, to start nurturing confidence, you simply need to get out of the way, and allow your kids to realize that the world will not rescue them from their upsets…their whining…their crying…their meltdowns…their placing too much importance on the actions/words of others.

If you follow these simple guidelines, I’m confident that your children will respond within two to three weeks…maybe longer if you struggle in your own ability to disengage these “signals” of sensitivity.  You can get the full step-by-step guide to building your child’s confidence here:  The Confident Child.

Finally, please note:  Your child’s behavior will change radically as they begin to develop a greater sense of confidence in themselves. Dependent, immature behavior will fall by the wayside if you give them permission to tap their own strength and abilities.  Be brave!  Test it for just a week or two…and you will be amazed at the power you have to enhance their esteem.

Separation and Divorce

Separation and Divorce

Fun Summer With Kids

Family on bikes outdoors smilingWell, it’s summertime and we are all trying to relax, get outside a bit more, and have fun whether we are vacationing or just at home with the kids.

While we all tend to think “fun” when summer arrives, studies suggest that this is a particularly demanding time for parents.

While many of us have children who seem to get along well, and are generally responsible, they all have their moments. Day in…and day out…it can be nerve wracking!

What happens is that the more time we have with kids, the more opportunity for any weakness in our parenting to reveal itself! As the stress is added, many (not all) of us fall into patterns of nagging, demanding, prodding, yelling…and just plain, old…losing it and going ballistic.

It ain’t pretty!

So “summer fun” can really turn into … “I am so done…with summer fun!”

But wait! There is hope!

Most of the problems, whether relatively minor or … even if fairly major, are solvable. Y ou just have to make sure you get a game plan that takes your focus off of the futile attempts to “control” kids during the summer fun time … to the successful “Terrific Parenting” approaches where you “teach” kids to listen, be responsible, and get along. The tools are all here, and I have seen hundreds of parents master the essential summer “tricks.”

It can be done. Part of your secret for real summer fun with the family … is to rely upon structure to bring sanity to daily life … at home or on the road (at Disney, the Waterpark, or camping).

I also just finished a new article on summer routines and summer structure.  You can read it here:  Summer Routines Article

To a great summer!

Randy L. Cale, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Parenting Through Divorce

Parenting Through Divorce

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