By Randy L Cale, PhD
One of the most persistent struggles parents encounter is the battles that occur between siblings. Many parents feel frustrated because their efforts to nurture a cooperative environment in the home are thwarted by constant bickering and fighting among siblings. Sibling rivalry is enough to get you pulling out your hair! Many of us feel we didn’t sign up for this…when sibling battles rage out of control.
Here are the essential tips that will allow you to establish sanity in your home….whether there are two or ten kids driving you crazy with sibling rivalry and sibling battles. Please note that these proven solutions run contrary to many popular approaches that are failing parents and children. I encourage you to be open, and consider testing these over the next 30 days.
- It isn’t fair.
Trying to make things fair is an endless battle, and leads to increasing frustration and constant negotiation with your children. No matter how hard you work to make it ‘fair’ they will often see you as NOT being fair.
Solution: Stop talking about ‘playing fair’ and stop trying to make things fair. Stop trying to figure out what’s really fair. Stop negotiating around issues of fairness, and trying to sort out what is fair for one versus the other.
In reality, we can all find many examples where life is not fair. I am not suggesting that we ignore unfairness; it’s simply much more complicated to sort out what’s fair or unfair between siblings. From your children’s perspective, it will not behoove them to beat the “it’s not fair” drum. Ultimately, this ‘victim’ stance is one that just grows over time, and consumes their whole life view for many children.
I encourage you to explain to the kids that life is often not fair, and that you will do your best to make your home environment healthy and fair, but you will not negotiate or discuss this topic any more.
- If Mom or Dad gets involved, you both suffer the consequences.
Regardless of the situation, avoid trying to figure out who did what. This will only drive you into insanity as the kids get older.
Instead, if you are going to step into a sibling issue, do so with authority and a clear consequence.
Make sure that the consequence is felt equally by both siblings. No discussion. Just the consequence. On a practical level, take away the video game if they are going to fight over it. Remove the toy if they can’t share.
And if it’s really ugly between them, don’t try to figure out who started it…send both to time out.
Your goal here is to reflect more of ‘reality’ for your kids. In real life, very seldom will someone really try to figure out who started “it.” Instead, it’s likely that they will both suffer the consequences. More importantly, this teaches everyone to take responsibility for how you play, when you walk away and how you problem solve with your sibling. These are critical life skills. You will be amazed at what a powerful learning process this is for your kids.
- Nurture a sense of shared cooperation.
Create an environment where the children understand that their fate is shared through a cooperative effort. Expand their awareness of how their future together will be enlarged if they cooperate.
In addition, purchase toys, and engage the children in sports that require mutual participation. If it requires two to play tennis, then it becomes mutually beneficial to learn how to support each other remaining on the tennis court.
- Cultivate your interest when children are cooperating. Make certain that you notice when there is cooperation. Give them a smile or a wink. Make sure that you are giving energy to times when the kids are actually getting along. We usually do this the other way around, and devote most of our energy to the problem moments. The secret to nurturing a cooperative home where kids get along well is to make sure that cooperation gets more of your energy than anything else.
If you stick to these fundamentals, I think that will discover that, after some initial struggles, your children learn to get along better. If it feels as if the sibling conflicts in your home are more severe, and you need more detail and precision, you may want consider my new “Sibling Solution Guide” found at www.SiblingsWithoutRivalry.com
A growing source of concern is the lack of creativity parents and teachers are observing at home and at school. I receive many questions from parents wondering what they can do to nurture creativity. Here are a few simple guidelines that can help you ensure that your child’s creativity will prosper.
- Avoid activities that squash your child’s creativity. Whether it’s constant TV watching, playing video games, regular trips to the theme park, or weekly shopping expeditions, kids are becoming more and more conditioned to expect entertainment. This is probably the most dangerous threat to your child’s creativity. If they are allowed to spend endless hours absorbed in passive entertainment, without active engagement, it is clear that their creative capacities will suffer.
- Expose kids to play that requires creativity.
Instead of TV and video games, fill your home with toys and materials that require creativity. Make sure that you have lots of blank paper and crayon, building blocks and legos, as well as old-fashioned toys that allows for creating stories that endlessly change and evolve.
When it is time to decorate a room, invite your kids to be a part of this. When it is time to paint a wall, ask them to come up with a creative idea.
- Engage kids in creative problem solving around the house.
As kids get older, invite them to creativity come up with solutions with you. When it’s time to plan a new garden, get the family involved in the garden plan.
When it’s time to redecorate a room, put all the furniture in the middle of the room and ask them to help come up with options. When their bicycle chain keeps hopping off its sprocket, rather than fixing it for them….invite them to come up with a solution that could fix the problem.
The common denominator here is to ask. Ask your children for input. Ask them for a creative solution. Keep them engaged in a home where creativity is a constant part of the cooperative problem solving that occurs.
And let them see that creativity allows for many options to be explored. You can keep “playing” in the creative possibilities…as you come up with solutions to these everyday problems.
- Creativity is like a muscle…it has to be worked.
Kids come into the world with remarkable imaginations, and an almost endless capacity for creativity. In various ways, both obvious and not so obvious, kids are taught to stifle their creativity.
This begins in little ways, when they are taught to color only inside the lines. Much of their learning involves replicating and duplicating exactly what is taught. If not careful, children experience a world where little value is placed on creative expression. If you want creativity to prosper, you have to work this muscle.
- Make sure that you notice moments of creativity.
Especially during the younger years, give energy to moments of your child’s creativity. Rather than ignoring them when they’re playing in creative ways, or working their imagination, spend a few moments noticing them doing these activities.
You must give energy to the activities that you value….if you want those characteristics to grow. In the case of creativity, you can do your part by making sure that you catch your kids…while they are being creative. Don’t wait until the project is over….catch them while it’s happening.
In this way, you invest your energy in what you really value. This will ensure that you use every ounce of your influence to nurture those creative juices and to keep that muscle strong.
- Be the person you want your kids to be.
As I have mentioned in other articles on my TerrificParenting website, you cannot escape what you model. If your kids grow up in a home where you model creativity and using your imagination, they can’t help but become a part of this.
Children emulate their parents. It’s just the way it is. You have remarkable influence just through the behavior you model every day to your kids.
Be willing to challenge yourself to remain creatively active in the evenings. Rather than sitting in front of the TV, help to stimulate creative play with your kids. Paint. Write. Create a story with your kids. But work your own creative muscle…while you engage your kids.
While most of us look forward to summer sunshine and fun with the family, the reality of family outings is often not very pretty. Whether it’s negotiations over ice cream, siblings fighting in line at the pool or a tantrum because life isn’t going their way—summers bring a relentless demand upon our parenting skills.
Some children are easy, and some are not. However, the freedom of summer combined with all the goodies can often mean that even the most easy-going children can become a challenge.
Summer Parenting Test: Preparedness To Have Fun Test!
Here’s a good summertime test to find out how enjoyable your summer will (likely) be.
Question 1: “How often does it feel like I am working harder at my children’s enjoyment than they are?”
If you find that it often feels that you are the one working harder than your children to enjoy family outings, then you may want to seek a change. This article becomes very important to a more peaceful, enjoyable summer.
Question 2: “How often do child behaviors (e.g., whining, crying, tantrums, complaints, upsets, etc.) get in the way of a enjoying a family outing?”
Again, if this is true for you, then perhaps a change is needed.
Question 3: How often are you ‘dancing around’ your child’s upsets, and go out of your way to avoid a meltdown?
The more your answers fall to the frequent side, then the more likely you need to master my Three Strike Rule. Of course, master these ideas only if you want to keep your sanity!
Summer Sanity: The Three Strike Rule
The Three Strike Rule gives you an amazing formula that supports and strengthens your role as a parent, honors your child’s inherent capacity to learn, and ultimately respects everyone’s right to enjoy fun outings and family vacations.
Here’s how it works. You explain to your children that you have established a general “Summer Outing” rule for all family outings. You further explain what specific positive behaviors you expect in public, and that your expectation is always there when out in public. If they bring those positive behaviors with them into the outings, everything will go fine.
You also explain the types of behaviors that will get them in trouble. Fighting between siblings, screaming or yelling, or incessant whining and complaining will all fall under the Three Strike Rule. Also included would be any for of disrespect, property destruction, or even not listening to mom or dad.
Finally, the Three Strike Rule will work like this. Strike One: the first time the children get out of control, you simply take a break. Let them know, “Strike One. We are going to take a break.”
Regardless of what you are doing or what you are engaged in, take your children by the hand and walk to a bench, or an area out of the way, where you can sit quietly. Let them know that once they are perfectly quiet, you will then take five minutes before anyone leaves or moves. If they want to talk, let them know the five minutes starts over again.
Once the five minutes is up, you can return to your swimming, playing, shopping or dinning experience. If, there is not a bench where you are located, make sure you feel free to walk out to the car and sit in the car for five minutes. It has a very powerful effect, because the consequence follows close to the heals of the their choice.
Strike Two: You then wait for five minutes of silence. After this, then resume life!
Return to your shopping, dinning, or whatever recreation you are doing, you continue on as if nothing had happened. However, if the children’s behavior is over the line that you have established, you now announce, “Strike Two. We are going to take another short break. Announce, “One more strike, and we are done here.”
Again, drop what you are doing, and find a bench to sit on. If you have to go to the car to allow for the tantrum or whining, then you do so. Once again, you allow for whatever whining or complaining to occur. Only after there is quiet for five minutes do you return.
Strike Three: While it will be unusual for you to get to Strike Three, it sometimes happens. When you reach Strike Three, you let the children know that “you are done for the day.” Wherever you are, or whatever you are doing, pack it up and you head home. As you get to the car, please make sure that you take another five minute time out before the car moves. This may take awhile, as you may be getting a lot of whining, complaining, or outbursts from the children. Just let them have these moments, and wait for the five minutes of silence.
You then return home. If you were at Disney World you go back to your hotel room. If you were at a restaurant you take the food to go, or you could simply walk away and leave it on the table and pay on the way out.
It is essential not to get too concerned about the drama that you will see when you follow through with the Three Strike Rule. For many children, you are going to get some drama. For others, you will get big drama!
Make sure you do not get pulled into the drama. Allow them to have the drama, and just stick to your guns on the consequences. The magic is not in the threat of the third strike. The magic is in the experience of feeling the effects of the third strike!
Stick to the simplicity of this plan, and don’t be afraid to follow through. By the time your real summer fun begins, the kids will be on track.
- Do you end up preparing three meals every night, and tire of being a short-order cook?
- Are there endless negotiations over food, and battles have exhausted you?
- Do you worry about health concerns because your picky eater is so stubborn, and only eats junk?
If so, then you likely know that you share this struggle with millions of parents. And yet, the situation is almost always easily resolved…with clear guidance and a firm commitment to build healthy patterns of eating. As a Licensed Psychologist, I have witnessed the most stubborn of picky eaters surrender their habits in just a matter of days.
However, because you are changing a pattern of behavior…the change is not always easy. In fact, many times you will have to overcome your own personal struggles with false ideas…such as, “I can’t let them go to bed hungry.” Well…yes you can. IF…you realize that they are choosing to go to bed hungry after you offered them wonderful, yummy food. They have to learn from their choices.
If you decide that you will feed them junk food, in response to their refusal to eat healthy food…you set up a pattern where their resistance is actually “fed” and rewarded by you giving in…and letting them eat junk food. This is a recipe for disaster…no pun intendedJ
Anyway, here’s my quick-start version of what you must to do to start getting a handle on your picky eater.
QUICK START GUIDE FOR HELPING YOUR PICKY EATER!
- Adjust your mindset.To expand the foods your child eats, it is essential to let go of the idea that you can (or should) force or demand your kids to eat healthy food. Please notice my choice of words carefully, as we must drop the idea of “demanding” our children to eat.This is not to say that you relinquish the goal of healthy eating. We do not. It simply acknowledges that forcing or demanding your children to eat healthier will not work.
- Start out by assertively cleaning out your pantry.Get rid of all the junk food, sodas, potato chips, ice cream, candy bars, etc. Simply do not have these foods in your house as an option, and instead substitute healthy alternatives…such as an abundance of fruits and vegetables.Many folks want to make these changes slow and easy. My suggestion is to take the opposite approach. If it’s junk food…it’s JUNK. So throw it away. You really don’t need to read another article, or take another week to talk about it.
For some, you can be methodical and consistent…and you can take out a food a week. But for most, that’s just not reality. One food gets deleted from the pantry, and within a month, another one or two substitutes find their way back ‘home.’
- Announce: “I’m no longer the short-order cook.”Now…you must walk your talk. Prepare healthy meals with a variety of foods. After you prepare a meal, let the kids know that this is the meal for the evening. There will be no additions or changes, depending on the preferences of anyone in the family.Yes, I know that sounds radical for many of you who believe your children won’t eat the good stuff you prepare for everyone, but it’s just not true.
It is true that they will continue to demand that you be their personal on-demand chef…as long as you are willing to do it.
- If children complain or resist eating the healthy food, use this very simple formula for communicating with them:”You have a choice. Eat what’s here…and you will feel good. Or…don’t eat, complain, pick at your food and you will feel hungry. You choose.” Now…just leave them to decide.
- If any of your children refuse to eat, simply do not resist or battle with them. Don’t argue with them, and don’t allow them to get alternative food. Just stick to your guns about the food that is available, and that they are free to walk away hungry.If children complain and pick at their food, do not talk to them during these times WHILE they are complaining. Instead, engage with someone else at the table, simply ignoring their complaints and criticisms of the food. When your child begins to talk without complaint or begins eating, engage and talk to them freely.
- Don’t worry if they go to bed hungry a few nights. All will be okay. They will readily survive an occasional night here and there without an evening meal.Instead, you must trust that the natural learning processes of nature will begin to take hold in the days ahead. When your children learn that there will be no fights over food, and that no other options are available after a meal, the hunger that they experience eventually becomes a powerful teacher and instructor. They will learn to eat what is offered MOST of the time. Simply don’t sweat the other times, as they will grow fewer and farther apart.
As a reminder, the guidelines outlined in this article will eliminate and reduce symptoms of picky eating. If you son or daughter is exhibiting more serious symptoms consistent with a possible eating disorder, it is imperative that you obtain a professional evaluation and possible intervention.
Discover Dr Cale’s Parent Coaching Secret That Will Put An End To
That Annoying, Constant Whining
“And Then One Day, I Suddenly Realized That The Solution Was As Simple As Apple Pie! Every Child I Have Worked With Since That Moment Has Stopped Their Whining Within A Week Or Less… With My Wipe Out Whining Formula.”
My step-by-step Wipe Out Whining action plan teaches your child to ask without whining, and they learn quickly to deal with disappointments… all WITHOUT ANY therapy!
- Even if – you’ve unsuccessfully tried other approaches that worked for a while and then stopped.
- Even if – your child’s whining is so bad you want to pull out your hair.
- Even if – your son or daughter is unusually strong-willed, stubborn or even diagnosed with some other condition.
A Radically Different Approach to Whining
Hi! My name is Dr Randy Cale, and I’m a Licensed Psychologist who has specialized in helping parents with their children for the past 23 years. I’ve assisted hundreds and hundreds of families, just like you, overcome problem whining.
Look, I have listened to countless children whine to their parents while in my waiting room. It’s not even my child, and I still can’t stand it.
I don’t know about you, but I find myself kind a sensitive to that annoying, obnoxious and Cale media box frustrating way of asking for something… and NEVER TRYING TO USE THEIR BIG BOY/GIRL VOICE! It is a very real… and very frustrating problem. We give our kids love, care, attention – and all the things they need and want – and yet, they somehow still seem to find fault, sometimes even in themselves!
It really drives me crazy to listen to children whining to their parents. Initially when i began my practice, I didn’t have the tools or the experience to help families with these whining struggles. As a behavioral expert however, I became obsessed with finding a solution to stop the whining… not just for my patients… but for ME!
And then one day, I suddenly realized that the solution was as simple as apple pie, and every child I have worked with since has stopped their whining within a week or less…. when mom or dad has practiced my Wipe Out Whining formula.
Since that day, I have tested and retested this formula, and now it is a very precise and simple parenting strategy that works. This approach has now been proven with hundreds and hundreds of children, with all variations of whining problems, from the most typical to most extreme.
Mom… Dad… This E-Book Was Made Just For YOU!
Here’s what I mean. Before completing the most recent version of my Wipe Out Whining Guide, I asked parents (just like you) online to tell me about their concerns. Here’s what a few of them wrote (see if these sound familiar because my Wipe Out Whining Guide will handle every one of these situations… and more):
Or is it more like this?
Maybe this is more like your situation?
So you see… this book was written for you. I included information to address every question and challenge that comes with a whining child (there were 42 completely different variations of whining questions… and all are addressed by the Wipe Out Whining formula). Look, it’s very likely that the common advice doesn’t seem to work, with YOUR CHILD… and you wonder why? You have tried everything (you think). You have negotiated. You have been kind. You have tried to talk it out. You have tried being firm. You have gotten angry. You softly get down on their level. You have gotten frustrated, and you have done the time-out thing!
Nothing is working… and it’s really frustrating… right!
And do you wonder if something is wrong… with your son? Your daughter? With YOU???
But guess what there is nothing wrong with anyone here. When I first started helping other parents who had children who were out of control, I just followed the traditional ways I had learned and used myself. Sometimes this strategy worked, and sometimes it didn’t. Then I tried other approaches I had been taught in graduate school, and again… it was hit or misses especially with certain children.
Then, I discovered the key! It was like a hidden secret ingredient that made everything come together. I would like to claim some genius ability in pulling this out of all my research and experience, but that is not the case.
After working with so many families, and listening to the stories of whining and tantrums over and over… I just stumbled upon this critical lesson. This ONE ESSENTIAL CHANGE is the big “Ah-ha” that every parent must make to rapidly and predictably stop whining… regardless of whether your child is 3 or 13!
This may surprise you: The truth is that most of what causes whining to get worse is the misleading, and inaccurate advice you are given in magazines, books and yes even your pediatrician’s office. When you discover how easily you can change whining behavior you just may want to write a few letters of your own! Happy mom and son
Okay, I did say “how easily you can stop whining…” didn’t I?
Well, compared to another day of that endless whining… this will be a walk in the park.
Compared to hearing your 4 or 6 or 9 year old sounding like they are 2 again… my Wipe Out Whining Formula will save your sanity, your peace of mind and moment upon moment of wasted, frustrated energy.
Yet, I don’t want to deceive you here there will be a few tough days ahead… and for a select few of you, you may have a week or so where you have to stick firmly to the action plan.
But the learning is quick, and the change becomes immediately noticed… even with the most stubborn and oppositional kids. My system works, and it works quickly. I guarantee it (see how completely true this is as you keep reading farther down the page).
About Whining and Your Child
You are not alone…
Kids usually begin to whine as babies and when they first start learning to communicate, and while whining seems to be more prevalent in young toddlers, it’s when kids don’t quit whining or start whining more as they age when it becomes a problem.
Whining is a learned behavior. Kids start to realize that if they whine and complain enough, they can sometimes get their way… or at least some attention. And then they start to use whining as part of the way they communicate.
Basically, they have learned how to whine and have used it successfully a time or two… so they have decided to use it more and more. They have taught themselves that one successful way to communicate is to whine.
Okay… where do you fall? Are you on your way to the looney bin? Do you need real help?
“I Will Bet That Whining Is Driving You Crazy…
If You Answered Yes To Even One
Of Those Questions.”
All joking aside… how many of those questions did you check? Even one YES likely means that whining is a real problem, and you need real help… not more wasted time reading poorly written articles on the web.
If you are still reading you likely know that kids can easily get hooked into a pattern of whining almost all the time… and you didn’t do anything wrong! I know it is enough to drive anyone crazy.
It probably wouldn’t be so bad if the whining and complaining didn’t happen so often and so loud… and with such relentless persistence. You have argued with the whining. You have corrected those hundreds upon hundreds of times… and still they whine. You have pleaded with the whining that turns to complaining.
You know how absolutely frustrating an out of control whining child can be!
Bottom line: You have had many moments of feeling stressed out and exhausted trying to deal with the whining voice, and more of the whining voice… and even more! Whine. Whine. Whine. You know the stress.
We work hard to “do it right,” and to keep our children on track for success and happiness. We worry about their self esteem and their outlook on life. We manage every detail of their life with as much time and attention as we can give. We do our best, and know (in our hearts) that they really have little to complain about! And yet they do!
If you are worried about your child whining as way of life, and as a way of asking…then you are likely ready for something different.
The Truth That’s Shocking To Many Parents Is That Trying to When You Try To Force Your Child To Quit Whining or Try To Talk Your Child Out Of Whining, You Almost Always Get More Whining—- Not Better Behavior!
Just because your child whines like crazy doesn’t mean your child isn’t normal or that you’re a bad parent. We just have to break their pattern of whining. It’s really that simple.
We just can’t force a child to change a learned behavior, such as whining, but we can use simple steps and an easy to follow guide to teach a child to change.
I know how nerve-wracking this can be. Trust me… I have seen and heard it more times than smiling hip boy you can imagine! Yet, within 7-10 days your home will be calmer, happier, quieter… and your kids will be more at peace… if you give me a chance to help you.
I’ll show you the amazing, tested and proven formula I’ve used with every type of child and situation to end whining and complaining forever!
The principles you’ll learn in my Wipe Out Whining step-by-step guide will show you how to solve the whining problem by simply shifting your focus, making a few adjustments in your home… and then sitting back and watch your child learn. There’s nothing more for you to do… it’s really one or two HUGE mistakes that we must correct… if the whining is to go away quicky…
Why My Wipe Out Problem Whining Guide Will
Work For Your Child
The principles I uncover to you in this program have been tested, refined and proven to work for every type of child (ADD and strong-willed included, of course!), every type of personality (sensitive kids to shy kids to angry kids), and every type of parent.
Even in divorce situations, where your time is split, you will see results! Remember: Wipe Out Whining Guide has worked for the hundreds and hundreds of families I’ve worked with in my more than 20 years or specializing in child psychology.
The type of whining and complaining behaviors that makes us feel worried, fed-up and frustrated as parents is usually in our face day in and day out.
Are you ready to try something that will end the whining that is driving you crazy, causing problems, and constantly stressing you out?
I’m sure you know by now that comforting your child, or reasoning, or arguing or even begging and pleading aren’t going to stop the vicious cycle of whining you are facing… and it’s just going to keep getting worse!
Why? Because all of your efforts to make it better, no matter how good the intentions, are likely making it worse!
In my Wipe Out Whining step-by-step guide, you will learn why all of those tactics are a huge mistake.
How I Can Help You Break This Bad Whining Habit Once And For All
In my work with thousands of families, I have seen how upset, how maddening, how demanding and uncooperative children can become. It is a very, very serious problem and anyone who says. “Oh… they will grow out of it” does not understand.
With more persistent whining, children will not just grow out of it. Again, the reason is because most of us fall into habits that actually feed that whining monster! And if you don’t get the whining under control they will become louder, longer, more frequent and sometimes even violent. As your child gets older and does not grow out of whining then it can cause disastrous strains on you and your family, their schoolwork and even their social interactions.
It’s Not Your Fault
Just because your child whines doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you as a parent. It also doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your child.
It does mean that there is problem in the pattern your child has developed. And the good news is that you can change your pattern and finally get rid of whining for good in about a week’s time!
As you have probably seen for yourself, preventing and stopping whining using these methods can be very difficult, if not impossible. You know that simply being firm doesn’t do it. You know that taking away toys or “goodies” doesn’t do it. You know that time outs and punishments don’t work.
You know that soothing or comforting the whining child is a solution for the moment… but brings you no peace or comfort over the long term.
How To Stop Whining!
If you want the whining to stop, you must have a clear game plan to change things. If you don’t have a clear game plan, you will fall into old patterns, and end up making things worse with half-baked ideas and ill-conceived strategies.
You actually end up losing control of your home and your life. You find yourself dancing around your child’s demands, and feeling embarrassed and angered that you don’t have more control over things.
Ultimately, your child ends up “driving the bus”! The long term picture can get very ugly. Your whole world can end up revolving around futile, but exhausting, efforts to avoid conflict.
End Whining Before It Grows Into Something
Before deciding that you really need to do this now… not later… just pause for a second: Can you actually imagine a teenage body, with teenage hormones, reacting with teenage emotions, but filled with uncontrolled teenage-size whining? It’s UGLY!
You may not want to imagine this scene… because I have seen it and I understand. It’s beyond ugly. It’s beyond painful. It’s beyond your worst nightmare. Family life is lost. Futures are needlessly surrendered to detention, constant mental health counseling, endless timeouts, and threats of family court help just to bring sanity to the home.
But you can prevent that scene by taking action now!
You Deserve Better…
And Your Child Deserves A Better Future
With an understanding of the lessons I have learned over the years, you can alter the immediate and the long term future for you and your child. Not only do you save your time and energy, by not wasting it with endless theories that only work with some children some of the time but you get an action plan that includes the key ingredient that I have found essential to success for every whining child.
While I write this, I know some of you are skeptical and that’s okay. I probably would be too. But I have created a simple, step-by-step action plan that has helped hundreds and hundreds of parents, just like you, finally get peace in their own homes. The Wipe Out Whining Action Guide is an easy to follow action plan that will show you the secrets to end whining right now so you and your child can have a better, less stressful, more peaceful life… for only $37!
You see, from my side of things, I know that life can be better. Not next year. Not five years from now. Not after they graduate from high school. But things can be better in just a few days! Why would you keep suffering when relief is so close? I have seen it hundreds of times in working with every type of family, every style of parenting, and every variation of a strong willed or oppositional child. They all get it! Every child gets it… WHEN you get it.
What You Get With The Wipe Out Whining Step-by-Step Package
In the Wipe Out Whining Package, you get a downloadble ebook which you can read right away. You also get my Wipe Out Whining mp3 audio program, which you can listen to immediately. Then, Kids Getting Along in the Car ebook which you can read right away. In addtion, as my gift to you, I have included my A-Z Collection of Parenting Articles — yours free with this package.
Let me break the package down for you:
- INSTANT DOWNLOAD
The Wipe Out Whining Step-by-Step Guide
In Wipe Out Whining Guide, I explain how to shift your reactions to their whining, so they can learn to ask without whining. They also learn to listen to you. You don’t force it… you allow them to learn! Once again… I repeat myself, but this is the secret. Setting up a home environment where you control what they care about in a way that they can learn quickly and easily… that’s it’s! It’s that simple.
I also give you the hidden key ingredient to your actions… that shift your child’s reactions. If you master this key ingredient… they will learn to change by following your lead. If you fail to master it… they will fail to master their emotions. In the Wipe Out Whining Action Guide, I explain how this works, and why your child’s short term AND long term future are dependent upon mastering emotions early in life.
- INSTANT DOWNLOAD
The Wipe Out Whining Audio Download MP3 (Value $47)
You also get instant access to my mp3 audio recording of this information. This information is closely aligned with the information in the guide book, it simply serves as an alternative learning tool to help you master this information.
This audio program gives you an alternative way to learn these vital lessons. You can download to your Ipod, your computer, or burn the mp3 to a CD and play it in your car. This $47 program is included FREE as a bonus with this new package.
- INSTANT DOWNLOAD
The A-Z Collection of Parenting Tips (Value $47)
These articles touch upon everything from daily routines, to homework struggles, to responsibilities, to respect and disrespect, and sibling choices. While not a comprehensive guide book with all these topics, each article does give you a clear sense of the mistakes that you can make, and how to correct them.
This guide (a $39.95 value) is included as a FREE bonus that you get to keep, even if you decide this program isn’t right for you.
- INSTANT DOWNLOAD
Kids Getting Along in the Car
While video games, and in the car DVD players have greatly eased travelling with the kids, there are many times when the whining continues to CRAZY LOUD LEVELS when you are in the car. GUESS WHAT: I have created a special Ebook just for this purpose. You can teach the kids to travel peacefully within a few short days…. and NEVER have to listen to the whining about stopping at McDonald’s or wanting to go home… or whatever. It’s another tested solution that works flawlessly!
This $47 program is also included FREE with your investment in the Wipe Out Whining Guide.
The Wipe Out Whining Step-by-Step Guide, with Bonuses, sells for $180.95. But you don’t pay anything close to that today.
You pay only $47.00 today for the whole package.
On Special for $37.00
I give so much in this package because I want you to not only get life changing information, but I want you as a life-time customer. You will have many questions that I can help you with, and once you see the value of these products, I feel certain that it is worth the risk. I want you to be happy, and I want you to keep reaching out for me when you have a need (I will show you how to do that).
Stop Whining Cold
The Wipe Out Whining guide gives you a clear, straight forward game plan that tells you exactly what you need to do and how to do it. No more theory and untested approaches. You get the formula that works time and time again. This plan is different. The results you get end child whiningwill be different… it will transform your home. I promise it, and stand behind your investment.
Look, I want to be very clear with you in your struggle with whining. This step-by-step guide brings you a solution that works the wide majority of time. If it doesn’t work for you, you will see that I stand behind this unconditionally. It either works like it has for hundreds of families and you wake up a week or so from now realizing that this was an amazing bargain, or you let me know it didn’t work for you, and get your money back.
By the way, if you were to consult with me to get this information, it would likely involve 4-6 sessions of family therapy at a cost of $680.00 to $1020.00. You get the advantage of this information that distills years of clinical experience into a simple, practical guide… with a proven track record. But I’m not charging $1020.00 for this valuable resource (I’m only charging a fraction of that for Wipe Out Whining step-by-step guide).
Here’s the deal. Invest in this guide. Follow the detailed plan. You can easily test the guide for yourself… and follow the clear directions. Once you’ve used these strategies in your own home, I’m confident you will want to keep it.
But, if you aren’t satisfied for any reason, or it doesn’t live up to your expectations, you won’t be out one red cent. Just return the course and we’ll refund the cost of the Guide. It’s that simple.
I often wonder why parents hesitate to take action now… since the benefit of this guide will bring daily peace to your home and ensure your child stops whining. For less than a couple of movie tickets you get Wipe Out Whining guide sent directly to your email, there is no waiting and no shipping cost.
And there’s no risk for you! If you apply the principles in this guide, and it doesn’t work for you… just send me an email and you will get your money back!
What You Need To Do Right Now
You can end the struggle, frustration, and anger that whining causes. It’s all up to you, if you are ready to discover the secrets then you need to order Wipe Out Whining guide today.
You will instantly have access to Wipe Out Whining guide that gives you the tools to stop whining and get back your life. It’s not like they grow out of it. Unless you show them the way, whining will just continue to get worse.
Order right now and give your child and yourself the life you both deserve…. you really have nothing to lose but the maddening whining that is wrecking your sanity…
You really can end your frustration and worries over your child’s negative remarks, whining voice and complaining attitude. You just need to do something that works… not just for a few days… but a permanent solution that calms and brings more peace to your child!
If whatever you’ve tried in the past to get your child to stop whining and complaining always leads back to your child whining and complaining even more, you need what has worked for hundreds of parents in your frustrating, exhausting situation… you need the Wipe Out Whining Guide. It works! And I stand behind it with my 100% unconditional money back guarantee.
To your success,
Randy L. Cale, PhD
P.S. – The Wipe Out Whining Guide has brought relief to hundreds of parents and ended their constant exhaustion and worry over their child’s excessive whining and complaining behaviors because the program really works to stop the whining and complaining!
P.P.S. – If you follow the clear plan in the Wipe Out Whining Guide, your family can be a success story too! Remember that you’re completely covered by my guarantee – if you’re not happy with the program for any reason, simply return the program to receive a full refund. No questions asked!
P.P.P.S. – If you are dealing with a whining, complaining child, and want relief… you have found a solution here. The only question now is whether or not you recognize that your search has been successful, and that you have no risk if you buy this proven program to end the whining and complaining.
The Whining, Complaining Bored Child
Have you noticed that most parenting experts have nothing to say about whiners and complainers? It all sounds like the same stuff you’ve heard before, and you notice it doesn’t really address the problem. Plus, it just gets worse.
Help for the Whiner: So, here’s a real approach. It’s been tested, and it works! I have used this with hundreds of families where their child was whining and complaining. The same strategy works with the child who just seems to be constantly focusing on the negative.
Over the years, I’ve heard dozens of stories of children returning to the hotel after a day at Disney World, and then complaining to Mom or Dad that they are bored. Or perhaps, they begin to whine because they didn’t get what they wanted for dinner, or because they didn’t get an extra ride on their favorite.
The Core Problem: Finding a
way to see lack, when
there is plenty!
Many of the children who come to my practice live in relative affluence, with access to a wide variety of toys, activities, and stimulation. They have loving parents who care about them, and yet they whine and complain constantly. The solution for these negatively focused children is not antidepressants; it’s paying attention to how parents are unknowingly nurturing and shaping their negative, complaining attitude.
All children whine and complain at times, but some children spend an inordinate amount of time complaining about their lives, looking at what’s not right rather than appreciating all that’s available to them. Unfortunately, many adults do the same thing. If you sit at the dinner table complaining about what’s wrong in your life, your children will learn from your example.
You really want to pay attention to this first and foremost. Why?
Because you can’t escape what you model for your kids. If you model that you notice what’s wrong (when there is so much other stuff to focus on), then your kids MUST GET IT. You are teaching them to focus on what’s not working. In essence, you may be the complainer who is teaching them what to focus on.
“Discover The Secret To Ending The Nightly Struggles With Bath, Bedtime Routine, And Getting The Kids To Sleep”
“In Less Time Than It Takes To Wash and Dry A Load Of Clothes You Can Uncover The Psychologist’s Secret To Ending Your Nightly Bedtime Struggles… And See Amazing Results In Under Than 10 Days!”
Look, I have been helping parents who struggle, fight and even cry out loud because their child will not go to bed on time. While I have found different approaches work with some kids and not others, there is one SECRET STRATEGY that you must master IF YOU WANT TO QUICKLY ELIMINATE THOSE NIGHTLY BEDTIME STRUGGLES FROM YOUR FAMILY.
“Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” program action plan teaches your child to go to bed on time – and stay there, and shows you exactly how to do it… IN JUST 7 DAYS OR LESS – WITHOUT ANY Drugs…
- Even if – you’ve unsuccessfully tried other approaches that worked for a while and then stopped.
- Even if – your child’s nightly fights are so bad you can’t imagine how life would be like without them.
- Even if – your son or daughter is unusually strong-willed, stubborn or even diagnosed with some other condition.
This approach has been tested and proven with hundreds and hundreds of children, with all variations of nighttime problems, from the most typical to most extreme.
Dear Mom or Dad,
Are you ready to pull your hair out because the nightly battle to get your kid to bed just gets worse every day? Are you exhausted from the just the thought of going through another round?
The common advice doesn’t seem to work with YOUR CHILD… and you wonder why? You bedtime battles have tried everything (you think). You have negotiated. You have been kind. You have tried to talk it out. You have tried being firm. You have gotten angry. You have gotten frustrated, and you have done the time-out thing! It’s really frustrating… right!
And do you wonder if something is wrong… with your son? Your daughter? With YOU???
But guess what… there is nothing wrong… with anyone here. When I first started helping other parents who had children who were out of control, I just followed the traditional ways I had learned and used myself. Sometimes this strategy worked, and sometimes it didn’t. Then I tried other approaches I had been taught in graduate school, and again… it was hit or miss… especially with certain children.
Then, I discovered the key! It was like a hidden secret ingredient that made everything come together. I would like to claim some genius ability in pulling this out of all my research and experience, but that is not the case. I really just discovered this solution because I worked with so many families who were struggling and I had so many chances to learn the ONE ESSENTIAL CHANGE that every parent must make to stop bedtime battles… regardless of whether your child is 3 or 13!
This may surprise you: The truth is that most of what causes this problem to get worse is the misleading, and inaccurate advice you are given in magazines, books and yes… even your pediatrician’s office. When you discover how easily you can change these bedtime battles… you just may want to write a few letters of your own!
Okay, I did say “how easily you can change these bedtime battles”… didn’t I? Well, compared to another meltdown at bedtime, or another struggle to keep your kids in bed, or another night sleeping with your child… this easy to follow, step-by-step action plan will be a walk in the park. Yet, I don’t want to deceive you here… there will be a few tough days ahead… and for a select few of you, you may have a week or so where you have to stick firmly to the action plan.
But the learning is quick, and the change become immediately noticed… even with the most stubborn and oppositional kids. My system works, and it works quickly. I guarantee it.
A Radically Different Approach to Bedtimes
Hi, my name is Dr. Randy Cale and for the past 23 years I have helped thousands of parents, just like you master and overcome the daily struggles that all parents face.
My passion to help parents by using practical, real life strategies that gets real results has lead me to be featured in the Wall Street Journal, on NBC and on Fox News— just to name a few.
I am often referred to as “The Parent’s Psychologist” by pediatricians, teachers and the media… as well as the parents I work with. The reason for this is the fact that I focus (well… let’s call it an obsession) on helping parents master the skills to get you through the daily struggles and challenges we all face.
“How I Can Help You Win The War
Over Bedtime Battles”
But recently, I have developed a report called “Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” program and it can and will help you and your family. If you’d like to end those useless battles over bedtimes, stop the endless fighting and arguing, and ensure that your children are getting the sleep that they need, then this might be the most important letter you’ll ever read.
“Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” program is a one of a kind report developed specifically for parents struggling with all types of bedtime battles.
From toddlers who won’t stay in bed, to middle-schoolers who won’t turn off the TV, there is a clear formula that works. From children’s bedtime fears to kids who whine relentlessly, you will get a comprehensive solution that has a proven track record.
My focus is exclusively upon helping parents with problems. I have responded to the questions that parents ask me, and have developed The “Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” program because there is not a clear solution available for parents.
But let me take a moment to let you know exactly what my report is not.
Now don’t get me wrong, reading to your children is great, but its not going to fix your problem.
In fact, a lot of these are good for your child, a lot of these are even helpful, but none of these will really work to get your child to go to bed because none of these contain the REAL SOLUTION.
They are basically Band-Aids that stop the bleeding for a day or two.
You could also read a book or two, and come up with your own plan. But why waste the time with ideas that haven’t been proven?
I am amazed at the parenting advice on the market that has no basis in research, and no understanding of behavior management with children. Most of those ideas simply don’t work.
You should really check it out… and discover this for yourself!
“Be Careful… Not All Parenting Advice Is Equal”
So there are other options… but be careful. It would be a mistake to assume that all parenting advice is equal… it’s not.
Many times, you will find well-intentioned parents giving advice, and writing books, based upon their experiences. They have a sample of maybe 2-3-4 children…for most. And they may have gotten lucky! It’s easy to offer advice… when you have an easy child. We all know that!
So… seek an expert who has worked with literally thousands of families, and with children of all types of personalities… from the easy to the most oppositional and challenging. I’ve been there… with every type of child and every disposition. I have walked this path with families just like yours… and this report includes the lessons I’ve learned with all those years of experience.
Why Keep Suffering With Bedtime Battles?
Here’s The Answer!
Customer Success Stories
How To Stop Bedtime Battles!
If you want the nightly fights over bedtimes to stop, you must have a clear game plan to change things. If you don’t have a clear game plan, you will fall into old patterns, and end up making things worse with half-baked ideas and ill-conceived strategies.
You actually end up losing control of your home and your life. You find yourself dancing around your child’s demands, and feeling embarrassed and angered that you don’t have more control over things.
Ultimately, your child ends up “driving the bus”! The long term picture can get very ugly. Your whole world can end up revolving around futile, but exhausting, efforts to avoid conflict. Your whole life can be squeezed of every ounce of joy by a teenager who hasn’t learned to control their emotions.
End Bedtime Battles Before They Grow
Into Something Much Worse
Before deciding that you really need to do this now… not later… just pause for a second: Can you actually imagine a teenage body, with teenage hormones, reacting with teenage emotions, but filled with uncontrolled teenage-size defiance? It’s UGLY!
You may not want to imagine this scene… because I have seen it… and I understand. It’s beyond ugly. It’s beyond painful. It’s beyond your worst nightmare. Family life is lost. Futures are needlessly surrendered to detention, constant mental health counseling, endless timeouts, and threats of family court help just to bring sanity to the home.
But you can prevent that scene by taking action now! Get my Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles Step-by-Step Guide.
You Deserve Better… And Your Child Deserves
A Better Future
With an understanding of the lessons I have learned over the years, you can alter the immediate and the long term future for you and your child. Not only do you save your bedtimes time and energy, by not wasting it with endless theories that only work with some children some of the time… but you get an action plan that includes the key ingredient that I have found essential to success for every child.
While I write this, I know some of you are skeptical and that’s okay. I probably would be too. But I have created a simple, step-by-step action plan that has helped hundreds and hundreds of parents, just like you, finally get peace in their own homes. The ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program is an easy to follow action plan that will show you the secrets to ending nightly fights over bedtimes right now so you and your child can have a better, less stressful, more peaceful life… for only $17!
You see, from my side of things, I know that life can be better. Not next year. Not five years from now. Not after they graduate from high school.
But things can be better in just a few days! Why would you keep suffering when relief is so close? I have seen it hundreds of times in working with every type of family, every style of parenting, and every variation of a strong willed or oppositional child. They all get it! Every child gets it… WHEN you get it.
What To Expect With
The ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ Program
In ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program, I explain how to set up their world so they can learn to listen to you. You don’t force it… you allow them to learn! Once again… I repeat myself, but this is the secret. Setting up a home environment where you control what they care about in a way that they can learn quickly and easily… that’s it’s! It’s that simple.
I also give you the hidden key ingredient to your actions… that shift your child’s reactions. If you master this key ingredient… they will learn to change by following your lead. If you fail to master it… they will fail to master their emotions. In the “Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” program, I explain how this works, and why your child’s short term AND long term future are dependent upon mastering emotions early in life.
Stop Bedtime Battles Cold
The ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program gives you a clear, straight forward game plan that tells you exactly what you need to do and how to do it. No more theory and untested approaches. You get the formula that works time and time again. This plan is different. The results you get will be different… it will transform your home. I promise it, and stand behind your investment.
Look, I want to be very clear with you in your struggle with bedtimes. This report brings you a solution that works the wide majority of time. If it doesn’t work for you, you will see that I stand behind this unconditionally. It either works like it has for hundreds of families and you wake up a week or so from now realizing that this was an amazing bargain, or… you let me know it didn’t work for you, and get your money back.
By the way, if you were to consult with me to get this information, it would likely involve 4-6 sessions of family therapy at a cost of $680.00 to $1020.00. You get the advantage of this information that distills years of clinical experience into a simple, practical report… with a proven track record. But I’m not charging $1020.00 for this valuable resource… I’m only charging a fraction of that for the ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program.
Why Keep Struggling From Bedtime Battles?
Get The Answer Now!
Here’s the deal. Invest in this Report. Follow the detailed plan. You can easily test the Report for yourself… and follow the clear directions. Once you’ve used these strategies in your own home, I’m confident you will want to keep it.
But, if you aren’t satisfied for any reason, or it doesn’t live up to your expectations, you won’t be out one red cent. Just return the course and we’ll refund the cost of the Report. It’s that simple.
I often wonder why parents hesitate to take action now… since the benefit of this report will bring daily peace to your home and ensure your child goes to bed the first time, every time. For less than a couple of movie tickets you get ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program sent directly to your email, there is no waiting and no shipping cost.
And there’s no risk for you! If you apply the principles in this report, and it doesn’t work for you… just send me an email and you will get your money back!
What You Need To Do Right Now
You can end the struggle, frustration, and anger that bedtimes cause. It’s all up to you, if you are ready to discover the secrets then you need to order the ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program today.
You will instantly have access to the ‘Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles’ program that gives you the tools to stop the nightly fights and arguments and get back your life. It’s not like they grow out of it. Unless you show them the way, bedtime battles will just continue to get worse.
Order right now and give your child and yourself the life you both deserve… you really have nothing to lose but the maddening bedtimes that are wrecking your sanity…
Here’s what you get in
Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles Download Package
In the Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles Package, you get a downloadble ebook which you can read right away. You also get my Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles mp3 audio program, which you can listen to immediately. In addtion, as my gift to you, I have included my A-Z Collection of Parenting Articles — yours free with this package.
Let me break the package down for you:
Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles Downloadable Ebook
The Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles Ebook is not a simple discussion of the child just getting kids to bed easily. Instead, it is a clinically tested step-by-step advance program for ending bedtime battles, stopping the whining and procrastination, and it gives you the tools to get your kids get to bed on time — every night without a battle.
Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles MP3 Audio Program
The MP3 Audio Program is also downloadable immediately, and you can listen to this on your computer or on your MP3 player (such as your IPOD). This audio program is like having Dr. Cale as your personal coach, as he guides you through each part of the step-by-step advance formula for ending bedtime battles.
This audio program alone is a $47.00 value, but is included free as part of this package.
The A-Z Collection of Parenting Articles
(Sells for $29.95 but Yours Free)
Over the years, I’ve written dozens and dozens of articles for magazine, newspapers, and for the internet. These articles cover a wide range of topics, from whining, to temper tantrums, to morning routines, bedtime routines, self-confidence, homework habits, self-esteem, negativity, optimism, and the list goes on and on…
As my gift to you, I’m including my A-Z collection of parenting articles. This is a group of over 32 articles, and provide you with the strong foundation for how to respond to a wide variety of situations.
This product is sold separately on other websites of mine for $29.95.
Again however, this gift is free to you with The Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles Program.
The total cost of this package is: $123.95
In the Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles program, I provide you with a complete solution to your bedtime battles problem. For less than the cost of your cable bill, you can transform your stubborn sleeper… and bring relief to your family today! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to just relax about this?
In the Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles program, I provide you with a complete solution to your bedtime battles problem. For less than the cost of your cable bill, you can transform your stubborn sleeper… and bring relief to your family today! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to just relax about this?
What Do You Get For Your $17 Investment?
- You get a program that you can put to work immediately.
- You get a practical solution that requires no detailed preparation.
- You get the benefit of years of clinical training and expertise.
- You get a formula that addresses every bedtime battle or your money back.
And remember: There is no risk. This program will work for you or you get your money back. I have confidence in this program because I have successfully used this approach again and again. The strategies have been refined with years of clinical experience, and you benefit both the success and failures of other families. I have been able to identify the core ingredients that eliminate bedtime battles, and put you on the path to greater peace at bedtime!
To purchase, click on the box below. You will be taken to a secure server, where you enter your personal information.
Not ready to buy yet? Perhaps you are thinking this program isn’t for you? Maybe not.
But the program really works. I guarantee it! It can bring relief to those crazy bedtime battles… and life can be more peaceful and predictable.
How can I be absolutely certain this will work for you? The reality is that I can’t. However, I do know this program has worked for hundreds of other families dealing with difficult and challenging children.
This program has worked with kids who are:
|spoiled,||and the list goes on.|
The reality is that you won’t find another product like this one. You can search the web, go through the books, and you won’t find a program that gives you a simple, easy to use, proven plan that will make the evening routines go smoothly.
If you are ready for the change, and you are willing to put energy into making things different, this plan will work for you! And guess what! If it doesn’t, just let me know, and I will refund your money.
That’s how much confidence I have in every product here at Terrific Parenting. If you purchase this product, and you master the components of the program, and then put it to use for thirty days, I am certain your home will be more peaceful, more consistent, and your children will be happier.
Now, if you would like your evening routines to go smoothly, and to get rid of those bedtime battles, click here to purchase Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles. Remember, you can purchase this NOW as a a downloadable ebook and MP3 audio program (which you can read and listen to immediately), and we will mail the program to you.
When you purchase this program it is possible that you could be making a difference in your home immediately, as you have the option of including a downloadable MP3 version of this program when you check out. In other words, within minutes, you can listen to the program and have the system in place by your child’s next bedtime.
When you purchase, you will know what to do, when to do it, and exactly how to do it. Nothing is left up in the air. You will know how to set up a system of bedtime success that makes life easier for you and easier for your kids.
“Why Get Frustrated, Lose Your Cool And Keep Battling With Your Kids Over Bedtime?”
- Why struggle over such routine tasks, when you don’t have to?
- Why battle over routines that have to be done every day?
- Why surrender your happiness and peace over such routine tasks?
- Why are you working harder at this than your kids are?
The bottom line is that you shouldn’t be. You don’t have to live with this. You can feel the difference in only days – if you use this program. You can get relief now! To BUY now, click on the box below. Enjoy freedom from bedtime battles!
Randy L. Cale PhD.
PS: One final note to remember.
Your child’s last thoughts and emotions and memories of the day are what follow them to their dreams. When the bedtime routines are filled with struggle and fights, that frustration is the emotion that they ride to sleep upon.
You can avoid that will one simple decision. Download the program now, and try it tonight. You have nothing to lose (with my money back guarantee!). No risk to you.
PSS: In reality, it’s a simple decision.
If you are reading this, then you and I both know that bedtime routines are a problem, and the lack of a clear game plan at bedtime is disturbing your life…and the lives of your children. So…
Let me gently remind you:
- There is no need to battle, argue and negotiate.
- Your children can go to bed with only warm, loving memories of the day
- You can go to bed without the frustration of the battles and negotiations
- And…Your day can begin on time, with children well-rested and ready for life.
How Can It Possibly Be Worth Waiting Another Day, Surviving Another Night Of All That Misery…
When $123.95 $17 Will Bring You & Your Family Relief?
Get it Now!
Bedtime Battles To Bedtime Bliss
Do you find yourself wondering…
- Do you find yourself dreading the bedtime routine?
- Is the bedtime routine really more like bedtime chaos?
- Is it a constant struggle and battle to get the children to bed on time?
- Are the kids constantly whining and complaining when they know they have to go to bed?
- Do you have struggles getting them away from the TV and off the computer, order or off the telephone?
- Does everyone end up going to bed in a state of frustration and unhappiness?
- Do you have trouble keeping the kids in their beds, healing after they go to bed?
If you are struggling with any of these issues, then welcome to reality; there are many parents who do. In fact, it’s one of the most common questions that I handle when making presentations to parents.
There’s a reason why this is such a difficult set of circumstances. It is a situation where you have limited leverage with the kids and it requires a clear and concise plan in order to get the kids to bed easily and effortlessly.
There are some kids who don’t like to go to bed. They will fight you every step of the way. And yet there are other kids who will go to bed without a single word. It’s just the way it is.
What’s important is to understand that the kids who will fight you on going to bed require that you have a better plan than they do. If they fight you, and you simply fight back, this is not a plan. This is a battle! And you don’t want to get in a battle every night before bedtime.
So what’ s the solution? You have got to have a better plan.
The plan for an effective bedtime routine is probably one of the more complicated and demanding parenting plans that you’ll have to deal with. It just takes more precision and clarity than do many circumstances. Why? Because you have relatively little leverage with the kids once it’s time for bed.
As a result, it becomes critically important to use the leverage that you do have, and to set up a program that gradually and consistently teaches the children that it makes sense to go to bed, rather than deal with the consequences.
Three Patterns You Must Avoid!
|1.||You must avoid verbal and physical battles over TV, toys, computer, phone, and video games.|
If you’re engaging in battles with kids on a consistent basis over these items, this is a losing plan. We have to get you out of these battles.
You notice that the more you battle with the kids, the more you keep battling. If you win the battle tonight after 18 minutes of struggles and quarreling, you can bet that next month that battle will take you 22 minutes to win. It just keeps getting worse, if you keep engaging in the battle.
|2.||You must stop using threats that have no impact.|
Many parents end up frustrated and out-of-control emotionally. When you are in reaction mode, you are likely to make some poor choices about what to say.
One of the most ineffective strategies is to start threatening to take away things. This won’t make a difference.
A sister version of the same ineffective strategy is to try to bribe the kids with something that they want – if they go to bed throughout the week. In other words, offering to buy them a new CD if they get to bed on time is not a long-term strategy that is going to work.
In general, it never works to try to purchase behavior. If you go down that path, you’ll always be trying to buy their behavior. The problem is that your pocketbook isn’t that deep. More problematic is the fact that you have gained no respect for your authority as a parent by buying behavior. Stay away. Stay away. Stay away from this!
|3.||You must not lose control emotionally.|
When you lose it emotionally, you go into reaction mode. When you react, you yell. You scream. You threaten. You say ugly things.
You become emotionally charged, and your children become emotionally charged.
Can this possibly work to create a comfortable, loving, and peaceful way to move into a sleepful state? Of course not!
It takes your kids into the opposite direction that you want. It takes you into the opposite direction that you want. The more reactive you become, the more likely it is that you are feeding – and worsening – the very behavior that you are trying to correct.
As you become emotional and reactive, this energizes your children’s emotions. It makes it more likely that they are going to do battle. If you are successful in getting them to beds in this situation, it is more likely that their adrenaline is flowing, and that it is going to be harder to get to sleep. This then creates another layer of difficulties.
So what’s the solution? Here are the basics:
1. Get clear about your expectations.
What bedtime makes sense to you? What’s the routine leading up to bedtime? What daily structure and flow of events is going to make for an easy routine? It’s important to get clear about all of these things.
There are certain routines that are going to make the final bedtime process easier. These routines per se do not guarantee you success; they do, however, make it easier to get on the path toward success.
What would be a simple example of this? A very simple and straightforward example would be that many kids often put up a battle when it is time to take their bath and get on their P.J.’s right before bed. (Again, remember my comment from earlier in this article. You don’t have much leverage, if you have waited until 8:15 p.m. and their bedtime is 9:00 p.m.) Turn this around.
As soon as dinner is over, make sure the kids are off to do their bath, get their P.J.’s on and get ready for bed – before any watching TV or playing with games or toys.
This simple notion of making sure that they have completed their preparations for bed, before you allow an opportunity to play, is a key ingredient. It’s one of the essential tools that give you a clue to the underlying principal that I often talk about in my workshops and in my program materials.
When we study kids who are successful, and who move through life with relative ease, we find that a simple pattern is easily observed.
Parents have taught their kids to take care of work and responsibilities, before play and down time. This simple pattern begins to emerge in the morning routine, the afternoon routine, and the evening routine. It’s evident in the way the kids get up in the morning and take care of responsibilities. It’s evident in the afternoon when they do their homework and a few chores before they play. It also shows up at bedtime, in completing responsibilities before there is an opportunity to play and have down time.
While this is not the only ingredient to a successful plan, it is a critical component. Do not ignore the importance of this, if you are struggling with bedtime routines.
In the “Bedtime Battles to Bedtime Bliss” CD program, you’ll find more details in a precise methodology for establishing a structure. In particular, I’ll spend a great deal of time on the following:
2. Controlling the Environment Rather Than Controlling Kids
The essential theme of effective parenting centers around how you teach children. We just don’t control kids. If we did have control, there would be no need for these materials. There would be no need for parenting books or programs. It would be more like having a well trained dog rather than a child. But this is not reality. We don’t have control, but we do have influence. The way in which we have the most influence is by learning how to master control of our environment – so kids can learn from their choices.
To move children from “Bedtime Battles to Bedtime Bliss” you’ll find that kids can learn from environmental consequences. Kids do not learn from words and lectures. Kids do not learn from threats and yelling. Kids do not learn from bribes and pleading. Kids don’t learn when you nag and remind and bug them to death.
When you exhibit those kinds of behaviors, kids just become more dependent upon you – rather than independent – in these routines. The goal is to create children who are independent in getting these things done.
It is essential to understand how you begin to gain control of the environment, so that you don’t try to control your kids, but rather you teach your kids as a result of the choices they make. Depending on your household, there are a number of ways in which you can begin to implement environmental changes, to help teach a particular bedtime routine.
The first part of that is by using simple changes in the structure, where you require kids to take care of their bath and shower and get their P.J.’s on before they sit down to watch a video or play a game with you. The second way you do that is by establishing clear limits by controlling the environment when they go over those limits.
If it’s 7:35 p.m., and bedtime is at 7:30 p.m. what do you do? The kids are still watching TV, and it’s now 7:40, what do you do? If you don’t want to battle with the kids, how can you begin to influence the environment, rather than try to control your child? If your child is now 10 years old, and you can no longer pick him up and carry him into the bedroom, how can you teach this limit?
I keep asking these questions to have you generate some ideas on your own. Let me give you a strong clue about this, however:
- If your kids are watching TV and it’s past their bedtime, do you try to get them to turn off the TV or do you simply cut off the TV? You turn it off.
- If your kids are playing with their toys, and it’s 15 minutes past their bedtime, do you ask them to put the toys away or do you take the toys? You take the toys.
- If your teenager is on the phone at 9:30 p.m., and you’ve already informed her that there is no phone time after 9:00 o’clock, do you ask her to get off the phone, or do you disconnect the phone? You disconnect the phone.
These are the ways in which you begin to take control of your environment, in order to teach kids what the limit is on their behavior. For bedtime issues, you will state that the limit is based on a particular time. And you inform your children that you want them in their beds when that time arrives. It is that simple.
When trying to establish a limit on behavior, you must use consequences, and consequences come from controlling your environment.
On the Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles CD Program, I walk you through a detailed set of consequences for every kind of circumstance. If this is a significant struggle for you, this article will give you a sense of where you begin. However, the CD Program will offer you the full details.
I invite you to begin to consider the power of this concept. You teach limits – not by trying to control kids, but by controlling the environment that surrounds them. This is a core principal around which all effective parenting strategies work. It is built into every program that I offer, including the Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles CD program. To have a full appreciation for how this concept is applied when dealing with bedtime routines, I encourage you to check out the program.
As always, your satisfaction is guaranteed with any program you purchase through Terrific Parenting.com
Whether or not you Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles or not, it is an absolute must to remember that a learning process takes time. Your kids will be unhappy when you begin to make changes. They may sit around and whine and complain a bit. They may stomp their feet and jump up and down. They may not be happy when you take away their toys, or cut off the TV, or shut down the phone in the middle of a conversation. That’s okay.
Allow them to have their upset. Allow them to be frustrated or annoyed with you. Allow them to be unhappy about it. Allow them to go through a period of time when they fight you on this. BUT: you consistently demonstrate that you are willing to cease exquisite and complete control over your environment, while not attempting to control their reaction to it.
As you go through this process, it may take one or two weeks before things begin to smooth out. Expect a bit of a rocky road. As that rocky road begins to unfold however, there is a third essential component to keep in the forefront of your mind:
3. Start Investing in What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want.
If you are struggling with bedtime routines, notice how the “unwanted” behavior keeps sucking you in. You keep getting pulled into it, to argue, negotiate, nag, remind, bribe, plead, and, ultimately, end up screaming at it. You just keep investing more and more of your energy in what you don’t want, and expecting it to go away.
It doesn’t work that way. Instead, you have to allow for the whining, you have to allow for the unhappiness. You have to allow for the complaining, and not try to force it to go away. [Remember, you still have control over the environment. You just surrendered trying to control your child’s response to your choices as a parent.] Under this approach, you allow for all that unhappiness, whining, and complaining, or yelling at you because you cut off the TV or took away their toys. Allow for that, and give it no energy.
On the other hand, as you wait for something positive to happen, be ever so vigilant to “catch it” as soon as it shows up. As soon as you see a healthy choice, such as movement toward the bedroom, reengage with your kids.
When they are putting on their PJ’s, pop in and give them thumbs up. When they jump into the bathtub without an argument, give them a smile or talk to them for a minute or two. Even if they just spent 15 minutes stomping their feet and complaining about going to bed, reengage with them, as if nothing happened, once they climb into bed. (Of course if they are nasty with you, I would then disengage again.)
The bottom line: You can’t create a healthy bedtime routine by putting all of your energy into the bedtime battles. Instead, you must become more of a master of your own behavior, so that you don’t lose control and put your energy into the battles. In addition, you have to become a master of the environment and understand how to use structure in order to get some leverage over their behavior. While I have touched upon on it in this article, there are several other important components of this that give you significantly greater leverage. These are covered on the Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles CD program.
You will have to find ways to make sure that you are not investing your energy in what you don’t want, while, at the same time, gaining tools to enhance your control over the environment, rather than your children.
In my experience, these simple ideas almost always work. Did I say always? Yes, they almost always work.
Are some situations more difficult and challenging? Of course. If you find yourself in one of those situations, consider the “Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” CD program. In that program you’ll learn the following:
- The mindset needed to make the program work
- At least three ways to establish simple structure in the bedtime routine
- Precisely what to do when kids ignore your request to go to bed
- A list of consequences that begin to make an impact over a one-or-two-week period of time
- Ways to deal with kids who come into your bedroom at night
- Ways to deal with kids who become irritable and grumpy at bedtime
- What to do when kids don’t seem to need much sleep
- 12 ways to gain control of the environment, rather than controlling kids
- How to end the evening on a positive and pleasant note
- How to work with younger kids and take advantage of their desire to connect before bedtime
- And much more…
This program is available in a CD format, or in a downloadable file (in other words, you can get this program in your hands right now!). While simple and straightforward, the program is loaded with details to cover every possible scenario. You’ll find a way to make the evening routines easier, or enjoyable, and perhaps most importantly automatic.
That’s really the key! It’s about creating routines that are automatic and do not require ongoing negotiation, and reminding, and management by parents.
For many parents, the bedtime battle issue is one that is constantly stripping away their joy and happiness. It often leads to a miserable ending to an otherwise pleasant day.
What is it worth to you? What is it worth to you to have these routines move smoothing and peacefully?
I know what parents tell me. Parents tell me that the relief they feel, makes it easier to come home at night.
- They tell me that it’s fun to be with their kids again.
- They tell me that, “It’s like I have a whole new family.”
- They tell me, “The kids sleep better. I sleep better.”
- They relate, “It’s easier to enjoy my children again.”
- They also say, “The kids wake up refreshed and ready for school. Our life is better.”
They also say, “The kids wake up refreshed and ready for school. Our life is better.”
If you want to start improving a chaotic bedtime situation right now, get started with these principals right away. If you want the full program, consider the “Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles” program. You can order the CD, and you can listen to it at your pleasure, in your car or your home. Another option is to download this information immediately in a MP3 file, so you can begin today.
- What if you could have a fraction of the struggles you now have?
- What if your kids went to bed without a battle?
- How much calmer would you sleep if you could end your days in a positive way with the kids?
- How much better could your kids perform if they went to bed on time – without a struggle?
- What if your evenings could be filled with ease and joy?
- What would those changes be worth?
For an investment of 30 days of changing your approach, you can have these changes in your home. I encourage you to put these principals to use right away and to order the program Bye-Bye Bedtime Battles so you can have all the specifics of a comprehensive plan.
Keys To Stop Temper Tantrums…Fast!
Temper tantrums can range from the mild tantrum, where your child is stomping her feet and giving ugly looks … to the more moderate forms of outbursts where she flop’s on the floor, yells or whines loudly, and perhaps sits down in protest and throws a few toys.
And then there are the ballistic, severe out-of-control tantrums! Such extreme tantrums evolve for various reasons. Frequently, I see these extreme tantrums with certain strong-willed or more oppositional children. Certainly, such children are more prone to severe tantrums and outbursts.
Yet, you may not have a child with such an oppositional steak. And you might see these severe tantrums unfold when you are making changes or transitions, and your toddler or child just doesn’t’ approve. They don’t like the change …and they are going to let you know that they want it… “MY WAY MOM!”
And still, there are some kids who seem to start small, and gradually (over months) grow into these more extreme tantrums. And even on occasion, other children just seem to be wired to go ballistic from early on. These various child tendencies may mean that more or less skill is required to get through this quickly. What is important to understand is that YOU DO NOT NEED TO SUFFER WITH THESE TANTRUMS. (By the way, I have your special report and and some very cool free training for you… more about that shortly) First, i want to explain something critical about these more severe tantrums.
For many of you learning more effective parenting skills, you may even find that changes in your parenting style provoke these extreme temper tantrums. Such severe or extreme tantrums can include extended periods of screaming, crying, shouting ugly comments, property destruction, and ultimately turning to violence and hitting. (But please don’t be dismayed if your changes in parenting seem to create a few more of these types of tantrums. I will explain why this is happening shortly!)
When caught in their anger, children will do anything to try and get what they want from mom and dad. This will include hitting, kicking and going after items to destroy. The extreme appearance of your son or daughter’s upset is clearly upsetting. Yet, to be helpful, it is important that you learn a strategy, and avoid making emotional or reactive decisions that may seem to help in the moment…but make things worse over the long term.
One of the biggest mistakes is that we fall into the trap of ‘feeding’ into the tantrum. How? By first listening to their concerns, or by negotiating with them, or even trying to soothe them by finding out why they are so upset. Then, the concern turns to frustration or anger, and we may get firm. For some, we may start to argue or try to force them to go to their room.
Over and over, in various ways, we can easily end up feeding into these terrible tantrums, in the name of trying to make things better. But here’s the bottom line:
Whether you are dealing with mild, moderate, or even ballistic crazy tantrums, these outbursts can be changed…and usually quite quickly. Oh…I know what you are thinking…”NOT MY SON!” But look, I understand your skepticism. However, I have seen what happens when you get on track. Your child…yes… YOUR child can change their behavior in days….
Here’s a great example: I recently spent a few minutes on the phone with Jenny, a school teacher from California, who was working through one of my programs called The Tantrum Fixer. Her 3 1/2 year old son had just spent the last three days escalating his tantrums, until they qualified as ballistic. He had been tantruming several times a day, and she invested in the program because his tantrums were driving her nuts! She was at the end of her rope.
She called because she had reviewed the program, and then began the action plan. It was simple. Yet, on day 3, things were apparently getting worse. She said, “I knew it. This isn’t working for my son! He is too strong willed!”
One critical component of “The Tantrum Fixer” program is a need to make certain that you do not feed into tantrums. This means not giving in to the demands of the tantrum, and not negotiating, arguing, begging, pleading, yelling, fighting, or in any way doing battle with the tantrum. More about Jenny’s story after the two lessons below.
When you begin to make these adjustments, often you are met with a day or two of things appearing to get worse.
WHY? Because most likely… you have been feeding into the tantrum. Either with your words, your discipline efforts, your negotiation, your frustration, and even just your energy. When you stop this, usually your child doesn’t like it.
The result: Many escalate their actions for a while. This is to be expected, and easily dealt with as long you understand that our first job is to NOT FEED into the tantrum.
When we do…the tantrum gets stronger. The tantrum gets fed.
When you stop feeding or trying to ‘fix’ the tantrum, everything begins to change. Now for many of you, with an acting out tantrum, you will need a comprehensive game plan…so you can handle the outbursts without getting hooked by the drama of it all.
For Jenny, she was at the end of her rope. She began crying, and expressed the feeling of hopelessness, and despair. However, despite her frustration, I reminded her of one critical things she had forgotten….
More on this in just a second. First… Here’s something you might be interested in…
“Secrets To Shopping In Peace”
“How To Keep Your Sanity When Grocery Shopping Or Gift Buying Or Going To Home Depot With The Kids”
Dear Mom and Dad
Do you dread any of the following?
- Grocery shopping with the kids.
- Tantrums in public.
- Whining and complaining while clothes shopping
- Taking the kids to purchase stuff for the school year.
- Going to the mall to pick up some items for the house.
- Stopping by the Hardware Store to get ready for spring.
If you are like many of the parents I consult with, you may very well be at the end of your rope. You have talked to counselors, psychologists, teachers as well as friends and family. You find they may have good ideas…but many of these “good ideas” work well with kids who are not soooo challenging.
They tantrum! They whine! They complain! They squabble between each other! They demand something new every time. What’s worse?! Sometimes you give in! Don’t lie now; we’ve all done it. You give them what they want – bribing them to behave! UGH!
By the time you get back to the car, you feel like you are going to scream.
This Is A Program To…
STOP THE INSANITY NOW!
Shopping can be fun again!
I love this program. I love it because it solves an everyday problem that robs you of your joy. I love it because it works so well. I love it because it provides freedom to you and your kids. And, . I love it because it is simple.
Within weeks, you can enjoy shopping with the kids. You can enjoy taking them to the grocery store. You can enjoy going to the mall or just stopping by to pick up a few items at the hardware store.
It takes a few weeks to “teach your kids” a healthier way of responding. And the Secrets To Shopping In Peace program shows you specifically how to do it. You get a proven plan that has worked time and time again. It will work for you!
The Shopping In Sanity program, like all the programs offered at TerrificParenting.com, takes advantage of several key learning principles. When you apply these principles, your actions MUST begin to impact your kids. In other words, we know that when you make specific changes, your children will begin to respond differently.
Do all kids respond exactly the same way, and at exactly the same pace? No!
But, Just Like Water To A Plant, Your Children Respond When You “Feed” Them
For Positive Behavior.
In this simple, but powerful program, you’ll start to “feed your kids” in a different way so that they learn to respond differently. Kids learn how to accept that they don’t always get what they want. They learn to be patient. They learn to accept that they must share their time. They learn to accept that you are willing to set limits.
Does this all happen effortlessly? Of course not!
You have to show them that you will be different. In the Secrets To Shopping In Peace program, I’ll show you exactly what to do. I explain what to say. I describe precisely how to handle upsets. Your kids will learn from your choices. You’ll get a step-by-step plan that walks you through the following:
- How to adjust your mind set.
- How to get ready for the change.
- What exactly to say to the kids.
- What the step-by-step plan will be.
- What to do, regardless of how the kids respond.
- What to stop doing.
- How to nurture success and cooperation as it grows.
You could look forward to going out and spending time as a family when you are getting ready for the school year.
You would not dread going to the grocery store.
You wouldn’t have to negotiate with your spouse about who is going to watch the kids while one of you goes off shopping.
Shopping in peace is just a click away.
In the Secrets To Shopping In Peace program, I provide you with a complete solution to public shopping trip problems. For less than the cost of your cable bill, you can transform your home…and bring relief to your family today! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to just relax about this?
This is also a great gift for those friends who are struggling, or that family member who is at the end of their rope!